My thoughts

45 books

2006-12-07T19:56:00.000-08:00

45 books. Thats how many are on my shelf that I havent touched yet. And for every bbok I finish, I buy 3 more. Pretty stupid concept if you ask me. My brain hurts too much to think about starting a new book tonight. I have a real job, one that requires me to use my head. I have to read all day, thats why I dont want to read when I come home, and I dont want to write in my blog, which is why this post is so short.

Why the fuck?

2006-10-02T22:56:00.000-07:00

Why the fuck must you make a big deal out of every trivial thing that happens in your life? So I decided to leave movie night an hour early and go hang with some paintball friends. So fucking what? You bitch about how I ditched you, maybe thats how everyone felt when you ditched them. Steve, Scott, Corey, Dave, they wanted to keep you for a friend. They cared for you and treated you like a brother. They were there for you when you had nobody. You dirched them on purpose, because they didnt agree with every viewpoint you had. That wasnt my intent, my intent was to see some other friends. I wasnt trying to make you mad, but you responded rather brutally, telling me to get the fuck out and tellling me I was "ditching you". How many times have you ditched people? And really, telling somebody to get the fuck out is not good PR. I dont feel like an ass for leaving, and dont worry, I will never make you feel like shit again, cause I wont be around anymore. Fuck face.

Finally an update

2006-09-24T22:32:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I know, I havent posted in here for 2 months, mainly because I have been busy working with Glen and looking for a job. Well, I found one. I am a Fanily Support Eligibility Specialist. I'm still stuck in my current situation until next Monday. But I wanted to post in my blog and let everyone know I got a job. More to come when I start my job and see how much I like it.

Nothing happening

2006-07-23T23:31:00.000-07:00

Um yeah the title of the post says it all. About the only exciting thing happening is that I lost my job. Thank goodness. Hopefully something comes through soon. That is all.

A failure and a loser

2006-06-23T21:39:00.000-07:00

Thats all I am and thats all I ever will be. Before I go any further, I want to say something IMPORTANT: I DO NOT want anyone to say "get over it" or "suck it up" or anything else of that nature. My probation and parole officer job didnt go through. Therefore I am still stuck at this dead end job which doesnt pay me shit and royally fucks me up the ass. I went to the job interview, I practiced interview questions, I researched the job, I sent thank you notes (I HAND-DELIVERED them, along with my goddamn college transcripts) and what did I get? FUCKING REJECTION! I was (and still am) so upset by it that I started crying. It sucks when you are stuck in a dead end job, hardly any money coming in, college educated and still living at home. You know what? I dont care if I sound whiny or bitchy right now, its how I fucking feel. I completely understand how Erich felt back then, because I feel the same way. 27 years old, no money, a dead end job, and still living at home is not where I want to be. All my friends are out on their own, making it, and going about their daily lives and succeeding and I am not. Hell even fucking Delarber is better off than me. Anyway, yesterday when I received the rejection letter I locked the door to my room and started crying. My mom knew what happened, and how I felt and she started crying also. I HATE THAT! Her 60th birthday was yesterday, and the last thing I wanted was for her to cry on account of me. What the fuck is wrong with me that I made my mom cry ON HER 60TH BIRTHDAY? That just goes to show you what a failure and a loser I am. I fucking made my mom cry on her 60th birthday, all because I got rejected. I fucking hate myself for what I did.

A blog for the King of Quill

2006-06-01T15:11:00.000-07:00

Quill, this blogpost IS directed specifically at you. I am not angry at you or anything, but I feel that I have some things to say, and I am going to say them right now. First of all, a little background information for anyone who might be reading over the blogs, who isnt aware of the situation etc. This past weekend I was forced to work a double shift because the person who was supposed to relieve me did not show up, thereby causing me to work 16 hours straight. Now onto the juicy stuff: You have always been the first person to tell me that if I dont like something I should speak up. You say that I shouldnt bottle stuff up inside of me. I agree with that statement. So now why are you saying that I shouldnt have told my job that I didnt appreciate working a double shift? You say I dont want to say anything that is going to rock the boat as far as job references etc. You know what? Apparently I broke company policy by staying past my shift. So if they are going to give me a bad reference, they were going to do so anyway because I violated the company policy. If you want to pride yourself on the fact that you took shit from Radio Shack, Convergys, LaClair, etc. then go right ahead. But I chose to speak up to my boss and let them know exactly how I felt. Why shouldnt I? Its a Mickey Mouse fucking operation anyways. I didnt "tell the boss how to do their job" although I feel I would have been jusitified in doing so. If they were so concerned about me breaking company policy, they can drive THEIR happy asses to the autistic guy's home and work the overnight shift. Fucking company policy my ass. They should be THANKING me for working an extra 8 hours. And I would love to see you work 16 hours straight, without a single break or a single bite to eat, and then be a happy camper. I understand the bind my boss was in, but they should have had someone ON CALL when an emergency situation arises. They should bitch at the person who DIDNT show up, not the person who fucking gave up a party and a good time with his friends to help their roody-poo candy asses. You know what Steve? I dont regret telling my boss that I didnt appreciate working an extra 8 hours. I didnt expect anything to change, but I made damn well sure that my boss knew exactly how I felt about it. And about the Marthasville thing: Maybe my boss did do me a favor by getting me out of there, but do you know why I wanted out? There was no cell phone service, no internet access, NOTHING out there. When I told my boss this, they said "Other people have said the same thing when they went out there". They should have told me before I ever agreed to go out there that I would be breaking off al contact with the outside world. The way I see it, I did THEM a favor by staying out there for as long as I did. Even if I did fuck myself, what am I losing? A Mickey Mouse 14 hour a week job. Maybe if I was making $25,000 a year, I might think twice about opening my mouth, but not this time. I am glad I told my boss I didnt appreciate bwing left out to dry, because if anything they know how I feel now. And from now on that is what everyone is going to see: A new Beaver who isnt afraid to speak his mind and refuses to let himself be walked all over.

Still job searching

2006-05-24T10:06:00.000-07:00

I sent out 10 resumes and cover letters yesterday. It's not that I don't like the job I have now, I just think that there is something more out there for me, and I have to find it. The job I have now is not what I want. Since leaving Marthasville MO, I have only been working 2 days out of the week. I want something that is going to enable me to move out and start livin g independently. 14 hours a week isn't going to do that. So I have decided that I want something better and I am going to do my damndest to get it. You know what really sucks about the job I have now? The only time I work is when nobody else wants to (weekends). Now I know that this should be the least of my worries, but that really bites into my paintball time. Ok maybe I didn't phrase that right. What I meant to say is that if I can't make it out to the field on weekends, I want it to be because I am working full time, maybe getting overtime by working weekends, not because weekends are the ONLY hours I get. Also, I didn't go to college just to get a 14 hour a week job for $9/hr. Also, when I first went for this job, I was looking for job satisfaction. I wanted to help people. However, all I am doing is making them more comfortable. They arent getting any better as a result of my work. It's kind of depressing to see somebody so sick and messed up and know that there is nothing you can do to help them. Health care workers are SOOOOO underpaid for the amount of work they do in my opinion. So rather than bitch (ok all I did was bitch in my blog about this job but nobody is perfect) I am going to get something better. Like I said, I sent out 10 resumes and cover letters, plus I got a letter from the state saying they want to interview me for a probation and parole officer position. So things are looking up, I at least have a job, money coming in, plus time to look for something better. Hopefully something comes up. Wish me luck.

THERE IS A HELL ON EARTH!

2006-05-14T09:08:00.000-07:00

It is called Marthasville MO. Yeah, sorry I havent updated in almost a month. I got sent to Marthasville MO pretty much all month and I havent been able to update my blog because out there, theres no cell phone service, no internet, not even TV RECEPTION! When you arent working, there is nothing to do except watch movies, read and sleep. I finally told my job that they need to reassign me because I felt too isolated. Imagine, someone like me, who loves to talk to people, being isolated with no human contact except for a bunch of mentally challenged people. It sucked. Friday night was my last night there, and I hope to never ever have to set foot in that town ever again for any reason. Shit, God forbid you get a flat tire out there, there would be no way to call for help. I only took the job to get some money coming in for the last month. I havent told anyone yet, but the minute I get a better job I am leaving this one. I need a full time job with health benefits and normal hours, this job just isnt really working out.

Passing the time

2006-04-16T17:40:00.000-07:00

I am just trying to pass the time before I have to go into work. I start at 10 PM tonight till 6 AM. My new job sucks. I dont have a set schedule, nor do I have health insurance because I work PRN (as needed). What that means is that they can work me 60 hours a week and still not pay me health insurance because I am not technically a full time employee. Bastards. I have to work 10 to 6 tonight, Wednesday and Thursday, then I dont work for an entire month. It also sucks not having a set schedule, because like tomorrow I wont go to bed till probably 8 AM. Since I dont work set hours (for example 9 to 5) I could be working any hours they put me on, meaning I could be working during my normal sleep hours. Anyways, back to my regularly scheduled life (pun intended). I have been reading alot of Richard Laymon lately, he is a horror writer like Stephen King and Dean Koontz. I have read Come Out Tonight, Blood Games, and Darkness Tell Us, all of which were good reads. I want Spawn and Quill to read Darkness Tell Us, because its a book about fucking around with a Ouija Board. In other news, my birthday is coming up on Friday, which means I am definitely wanting to hang out and drink. I am off for my birthday, as well as the day after. We need to get something going.

WINNING FEELS SO GOOD

2006-03-27T14:54:00.000-08:00

We had a tournament this past weekend, it was a pump tournament, x ball style. X ball is when 2 teams go at eachother, game after game. The first team to win 5 games is declared the winner of the match. We pretty much smashed every team we played against 5-0, and therefore we earned a spot in the top 2, aka the winner's bracket. That was a back and forth battle, they win one we win one they win one we win one, and by the time all was said and done, we were all tied up 4-4. So it came down to one final game, the winner of that game takes the event and the championship. I played the snake in the final game and I had an AWESOME final game, picking 4 of my opponents off. There was only one man left, and we made short work of him, winning the match and the tournament. It really makes me feel good that after 8 months of solid training with a pump gun, we can go out and wrangle with the best of them and win a tournament. I worked the snake so well. I KNEW WHAT TO DO! I knew when to move, where to move, when to shoot, where to shoot and who to shoot, and because of my superior abilities as well as my athletic agility we were able to win a tournament. FUCK YEAH!

suspended

2006-03-16T22:55:00.000-08:00

I am suspended from my job (yes the one I bitched about in the last post). I got suspended because for a 2 day period I didnt get any sales. 99.99999999 percent of the calls I get are either people hanging up on me, cussing me out or telling me sorry, not interested, or to call back later, they need to talk to their spouse/significant other. They sent me home at 6 today, and told me to come back tomorrow. I bet tomorrow I will still be suspended. It's usually a 3 day suspension period. Whats fucked up is why I am suspended, for getting no sales. Like I can control if people want to refinance their homes. The job is fucked up, the company is fucked up and the rules and policies are fucked up. I still havent decided if I am going to go back to work when my suspension is over. I might just not go back, and use the free time to look for a new job. Sorry I couldnt get youy any sales Advanced Promotions, I was only the top seller last week, but that doesnt mean shit to you. All that matters is that I had 2 bad days in a row, and now I am on your shit list. Fuck it.

oh this job sucks I hate this job it sucks worse than your job

2006-02-28T08:08:00.000-08:00

Ya I mean it when I say my new job sucks. Telemarketing sucks. I have a job working for Advanced Promotions, and it sucks. I have a job trying to convince people to refinance their home mortgage. At least I am off every weekend, which is the only cool thing about the job. Here's yesterday's recap:

Arrived at work 10 minutes late (as if I care)
Sat thru a bunch of calls, including a call where a guy was mad at me for calling him because he was in the middle of breaking up with his wife because he caught her with another man (his best buddy) and NO I did not probe for information, he told me this shit willingly.
Another call I got was a lady who was upset because I called her on the day her father had passed away.
Finally it came time to get lunch. The problem is, you are NOT allowed to leave the property for your break, nor are you allowed to have food at your cubicle and they dont have a cafeteria, nor do they have a fridge, meaning brown-bagging it is out of the question. All you can do is buy food in the vending machines which are broken at the moment. They eat your money. So yeah you get a half hour lunch break but good luck getting anything to eat. The only thing to eat is candy bars, which are old. I saw a Mint chocolate chip hershey bar, and they havent been made in years.
Sat through a bunch more calls (none of which resulted in a sale) and went home an hour early because my boss told us to. I didnt complain.

Just so you all know, my phone automatically dials the number. I have no control over who is called, when they are called, or anything else. I just sit there and listen to people yell all day, and dont get to eat on my lunch break. We are supposed to get $5 for each approved application, but when the call center takes 50,000 calls a day and MAYBE gets 100 sales a day, you can see that your chances of making commission are slim to none. At least I get my base rate of $7/hr, so I am not completely screwed.

Oh this job sucks
I hate this job
It sucks worse than your job

It's not that I have a bad attitude, it's just that the job sucks big time, and no place for advancement.

I WAS RIGHT GODDAMNIT

2006-02-21T22:22:00.000-08:00

Shit-licking son of a bitch, I was right. Fuck you Rick, or whatever the fuck your name was! I was right! We had a round in trivia tonight called Stephen King. The final question was "What was Stephen King's most successful year, the year he published 7 books?" I said 1996, because I remember reading the first 2 novelettes my junior year. I remember reading them in 1996 . So I said the answer was 1996. The correct answer (according to the trivia guy) was 1997. I came home and checked the Green Mile books on my shelf, and I was right. They were published in 1996.

@ Rick (or whatever the fuck your name is from trivia) FUCK YOU! My answer was right! Goddamnit, I fucking KNEW Stephen King! We should have won that goddamn round!

You never know....

2006-02-20T20:41:00.000-08:00

Have you ever wondered if there is a reason for all the shit that happens in the world? Like why certain things happen and why they happen to who they happen to? Case in point, last week I felt like total shit because I failed the test to be a customer service representative. Maybe it was a blessing in disguise, because I passed 2 other tests that I had taken, one to become a caseworker and one to become a probation/parole officer. Suddenly I dont feel so bad about failing that test anymore. Maybe it was for the better. I dont feel bad about not passing the test anymore. I feel bad about something else. My aunt's ex-husband (my former uncle) was killed in a train accident yesterday morning. This is my mom's side of the family, so he was in Europe. He was only like 52 years old. His name was Ivan, but we called him Dipoki (pronounced Dye Poke Ee) which is Slovak for "Leave me alone" because he always wanted to be left alone. I only met the man twice, so I didnt know him very well. It's more of a shocker for me than anything else. I mean, yes I am sad because a man is dead, he used to be my uncle. At the same time, I am not torn up inside or anything like that, I mean in order to be upset about it to the point where I am crying, I have to have known him for a long time, and I didnt know too much about the guy, I never spent time with him, he lived in Europe. So am I sad? Yes I am sad, because he was a human being, and I pray for his soul. I hope he is in heaven now. I think they want to perform an autopsy on him to see if he was drunk (he was an alcoholic). It WAS Sunday morning when he died, and chances are, he did go out for a few drinks Saturday night. You just never know what life has in store for you............

Ever have one of those days?

2006-02-15T16:25:00.000-08:00

Ever have one of those days when you just felt like nothing was going your way? I bet you have. I had one on Monday. I had a job interview last week and they told me to come back in for testing. It was a customer service job, working in a call center, and I was going to make $11/hr, plus commission. All I had to do was take a test, which covered how you would answer customer service-type questions. I took the tesat on Monday. I didnt pass. It was one of those tests where the questions were fucked up. Some of the questions, the only difference was one an apostrophe or a misspelled word. Like I am going to say "Thank you for the information sir, I can now pull up your wife's account, and believe me sir, that 'wife's' word had an apostrophe in it." When I found out I didnt get the job, I politely thanked the man, hung up the phone, and shouted FUCK 4 or 5 times. It was a horrible day and I felt like a worthless piece of shit and a failure. I know I am not a failure, I just felt like one. Dont even fault me for feeling like a failure. I still do feel like one. When you work in customer service fotr 4 years, and then you cant even get a job in customer service because you cant pass a test on how to take customer service calls, then there is something seriously wrong with you, and you deserve a spot on the short bus.
Damn I cant even get a job in something I have experience in, I really AM a failure.

Well this is a nice surprise

2006-02-02T22:03:00.000-08:00

First of all, before I get on to the real post I want to say HI to Roxie Gioia, and a belated Happy Birthday to Mrs Gioia also. She's 21 finally!

One of my teammates called me this afternoon and told me that he was registering us for OUR FIRST NATIONAL LEVEL TOURNAMENT, which is this June, in Chicago. Since we are co-captains, we get first dibs on playing. This event will be fun. I dont care if I have to work then, I will request off for that Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday and Sunday. It's our first big tournament, and the fact that I get to play it thrills me more than any one of you know.

On another note, Sal has been wondering why business at the field has been so slow lately. Apparently, he found out that tournament players dont like our field because they dont like getting shot out by pump guns when they are shooting guns that are capable of shooting 25 balls a second. Cry all you want tournament players, it only makes my victory all the more sweeter. If they get pissed off because they are getting shot out by a pump gun, then I am going to play pump almost all of the time. Nothing I like better than pissing people off. I wasnt even TRYING to piss them off, so thats like an extra bonus for me.

Here's what it amounts to:

Price of a pump gun $250
Cost of paint $20
Nitro tank $140
Cost of hopper $45
Shooting a guy with my pump when he shoots a full-auto gun PRICELESS

Ya this was another paintball post. Did you expect any different?

A lockdown

2006-01-23T21:00:00.000-08:00

Yep thats what my new job would be, if I take it, which I wont. I have a job interview this Wednesday for a job at the American Cancer Society, working part time (weekends only). The problem is, they want me to be there from 5 PM Friday evening until 5 PM Sunday evening. The doors are locked, so I am basically trapped for 48 hours with cancer patients. Now the thing is, they want me locked in there for 48 hours but I only get paid for 16 hours. Something about that just doesnt sound right to me. Mainly the fact that I only get paid for 1/3 of the time I am there. Now I realize that I am kind of low on cash and jobless at the moment, but that doesnt mean I am going to take a job that royally screws me up the ass (I get enough of that from the team). If I am there for 48 hours I want to be paid for 48 hours. That means my regular pay plus overtime over 40 hours (well every other job I ever had pays that way at least). Oh well, I am going to go to the job interview anyways, it will give me practice for an interview for when I get a job that I DO want. Actually now that I think about it, theres no way I would take that job even if they did compensate me for 48 hours. I would give up my whole social life every weekend. I could never go out on a Saturday night. The times I am not working I am still trapped at work. And one thing I hate is being trapped. Call me crazy, but when I am not working, I want to go somewhere, do my own thing, I dont like being restricted during my free time. So no, I wouldnt take the job.

Thats all I really had to talk about. But I am sure any one of you will agree that this is a fucked up job.

Damn Winter

2006-01-09T21:39:00.000-08:00

Damn it, the weather was so beautiful this weekend. Now it looks like Old Man Winter is gonna come back and stick his dick in our asses again. Oh well, at least the weather was beautiful for one weekend, but some people cant seem to appreciate beautiful weather when they see it.............SAL!

Confused as to why I addressed him? He's a fucking prick thats why. He has the temper of a jackass and when he gets angry, he flies off the handle at the first person he sees. In this case it was me he yelled at..............for the 3rd time. I'm about sick of his fucking attitude problem and I am ready to call it quits for paintball if he doesnt give me SOME OF THE RESPECT I FUCKING DESERVE!

Flashback to yesterday. It was a gorgeous day, so I went out to the field to play paintball. I get out of my car and walk up to Sal.

"Isnt it a nice day?" I ask Sal.
"Beaver, it's a fucking gorgeous day, and nobody is FUCKING HERE!" he replies, "I dont even have a FUCKING REF!"
"Well, I will ref" I said.
"Thats not the point, I DONT WANT YOU REFFING! GODDAMNIT BEAVER, IF THE TEAM DOESNT START SHOWING UP AND HELPING OUT THERES NOT GONNA BE A GODDAMN TEAM! GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!"

So I leave. 10 minutes later he calls me back into the building and yells at me because he has no refs. He had 2 refs scheduled for the day, both of which did not even call or show up. I offer to ref again, and he flies off the handle again. He yells at me at how undedicated the team is, how shitty I am of a team captain, how he has no customers, blah blah blah. Then he tells me to get the fuck out of the building and tell everyone on the team what I said.

I ended up reffing (against my better judgement, I should have left). But heres the fucking weird part: he tells me to get the fuck away, then tells me to get back over here so he can yell some more. He calls me into the building yells at me then tells me to get the fuck out of his building. Oh and did I mention that the no show refs called? When they called and said they couldnt make it (around 1 PM) he said he understood and wasnt mad at them at all. He took it all out on ME the one person who bends over backwards to help him out.

Thats ok, I am probably not going back out to the field for awhile, I dont want to be around Sal. Let him yell at someone else when something goes wrong.

I should have left the first time he yelled at me. Then he would have had no refs. That would have shown him. Fucking cocksucker.

Check this dream out

2005-12-28T07:42:00.000-08:00

I had a dream last night that I got a job working for Scott's dad. We went on a road trip. It was me Scott and Steve. When we get there we learn that an earthquake had hit St Louis and the entire town was destroyed. We also had some demos to do there, and who should show up for one of our demos but our European friend Yan Felcman. He announces that he is going back to Europe the next day. So Steve Scott and I get on the microphone (dont ask me why there was a mike at the demo) and say a few words about Yan. We talk about how we went to high school with Yan, how he left the summer after we graduated, how we never thought we would ever see him again, yada yada ya. Yan grabs the mike and says "Fuck you all" in his Yan voice.

I realize it is a dream and I wake up. I drive over to Scott's and tell him about the dream. Quill and Yan are both there and when I tell them what happened they start laughing. Then Yan says "Fuck you all" in his Yan voice again.

I wake up again. This time I wake up for real.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

Bye Bye Christmas

2005-12-27T12:55:00.000-08:00

Well, all I can say about Christmas is I'm kinda glad its over with. No more ALL CHRISTMAS MUSIC, no more long lines at the shopping mall, no more items being sold out. Actually I learned in one of my psychology classes that they intentionally understock items during the Christmas season, its supposed to make you psychologically want to buy the item which has been sold out.

Here's my haul:

Su Doku hand held video game (that was a hot item this year)
$200 cash
$50 Circuit City gift card
$20 Best Buy gift card

Not too big a list, but its the thought that counts.

GURFLE

2005-12-19T15:34:00.000-08:00

This is my 100th entry into my blog. Last week the IBM job called back saying they got funding and wanted to hire me after all. Problem is, they wanted me to start that night. Too short of notice guys, thanks for playing.

I have several job leads I am looking in to, like a job with the parole office, another job (starting pay is $25/hr) answering the phone, as well as a few others.

Last week I took some classes on how to find a job. They taught me shit like what to say ina ajob interview, gave me some information on career websites, how to better your resume etc.

Can you believe that fall ends on Wednesday? That means Old Man Winter is coming, I dont like winter time. Actually the sooner it starts, the sooner Spring starts, I LOVE Spring.

Christmas is gonna suck this year, mainly cause I dont have any money to buy gifts with. Nope, I havent even started my Christmas shopping yet. I am a huge procrastinator.

Is that all? I guess so. Pretty uneventful 100th blog entry.

No more hunting heads, Su Doku

2005-12-05T12:13:00.000-08:00

I dropped that headhunter dude. My friends gave me some VERY wise advice. I called him and told him that I'm sure he was a nice guy, but things just werent working out. I also told him that putting my resume on the internet was a good thing to do. He didnt have an answer for that. My theory was this: If I am doing better on my own and getting more and better results on my own, then that says something for how well this headhunter is working out. Bye Bye HeadHunter.

I have taken up a new hobby. Its called Su Doku. Basically, you get a puzzle that has 81 squares, or a 9X9 table. You have to fill every row, column, and 3X3 square with the numbers 1 through 9, with no 2 numbers in the same row column or 3X3 square. It sounds easy but it is hard to solve, and hard to put down. It's getting to the point now where I dont even want to play paintball anymore, all I want to do is solve Su Doku puzzles. I may even sell all my gear so I can buy more Su Doku puzzle books so I can solve them. This game originally started in Japan, but its become famous world wide. Some people in Japan are actually so good that they can solve the hard puzzles (which take about an hour to solve) in 15 minutes. I want to be able to beat the Japanese at the game of Su Doku. If I can memorize a calender, then surely I can memorize the 600 billion (I think my number is a little low) combinations for a Su Doku puzzle.

Su Doku rules.

Too good to be true

2005-12-01T14:37:00.000-08:00

I found a job finally. I got a job at IBM. It would be the overnight shift, working 11 PM to 7:30 AM Sunday thru Thursday. It was great, work late, have afternoons free and best of all NO CUSTOMERS! I was excited.

Until they called me back today and told me they didnt get funding for the project and they wont be needing my services after all. Thanks alot for telling me one day before I am supposed to start. Asses.

I give up looking for a job. I tried to go thru a headhunter, which was a big flop, I tried applying online, no luck. Finally I land a job, only to have it yanked away. I AM SO FUCKING PISSED I WANT TO HIT SOMETHING! Fuck looking for a job anymore, its not like I am gonna find one anyways. I give up.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

2005-11-23T07:15:00.000-08:00

About a month and a half ago, Quill got a job in his field. I took this as a sign of hope, thinking maybe that meant something good would happen to me in the near future. I am working with a headhunter named Chris Spear. I told him how my friend had gotten a job in his field, and he asked me what my friend's field was. I told him construction management, and he scoffed at that. He said that construction companies normally layoff in the winter, and that my friend was more than likely going to be doing manual labor all day, until the winter when he got laid off. Then the other day he told me I had a job interview at a nursing home for "dietary staff". I knew what that meant right off the bat, but I went to the job interview anyway, just to see if maybe I had misconceptions. Nope, my gut instincts were right, plopping potatoes onto a tray. $7 an hour. I wonder about this headhunter guy now.

@ Chris Spear You have alot of nerve to criticize my friend for finding a job in his field, and then try to stick me in a food service job. Then you suggest places like Blockbuster and Pizza Hut. C'mon, for being a headhunter, you certainly dont have alot of good advice, or leads. You told me NOT to put my resume on careerbuilder.com and monster.com. Well guess what? I did it, and I have certainly been alot more successful at getting interviews, for better paying jobs. You tell me I need to get a job at Blockbuster etc to raise my self esteem. If anything, that LOWERS my self esteem. Anyone who spends $50,000 for college and gets a low paying job like these is gonna feel like shit. Fuck you.

C'mon guys, admit that you agree with me.

Damn.......9 days?

2005-11-16T12:04:00.000-08:00

Has it really been that long since I posted last? I need to update on a continual basis.

I have a job interview tomorrow. Dont be too thrilled. It's only a stupid cafeteria worker job, and I'm not even excited about it. I dont even want to work a food service job, I think they all suck. I would much rather work at a job in my field. I am hoping that this job will lead to something in my field, cause its in a hospital. Who wants to serve food to sick people all day? If it were up to me, I would have a job in the paintball industry, I think I would be good at that. I also have to ref tomorrow at 1, in the cold. Fuck me.

If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't speak often, please post a comment with a memory of you and me. It can be anything you want--good or bad. When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people remember about you.

Type away people.

Chicago SUCKS!

2005-11-07T08:52:00.000-08:00

This past weekend some of the team went to Chicago to play a big scenario game at Challenge Park Extreme. Now Challenge Park Extreme is only THE biggest field in the midwest, and you should check it out at http://www.brasseagle.com/paintball/challengepark.asp sometime. They have HUGE fields. They have a town field, with actual stores and two story buildings that you can go up into. It has cars also, cars that you could drive away in. Plus there was an Armageddon field, which was like a destroyed town. I wanted to play here REALLY BAD! It's like a dream of mine to play at this field (quit laughing goddammit).

So we get to the field and are walking through all the fields, and decide yes let's get in line and register so we can play. We wait through the line and finally when we get to the end, it starts POURING RAIN. Sal decided that we wouldnt play because he was sick for the last week and didnt want to get sicker by playing in the rain. He decided he was leaving, and we had to leave also because he was our ride back to St Louis.

You know, I kept my mouth shut, but it pissed me off big time that we drove all the way to Chicago, got to the field, and then turned around and went home. I wasted an entire day. I went all the way up there, and for what? NOTHING! I mean, we were ALREADY THERE! We could have at least stayed and played open play, just like 4 or 5 games, just so I can say I played there.

I dont want to play at this field anymore. Yes it was a dream of mine to play there, but I am gonna let it go, because as this weekend proves, that dream is never gonna come true.

SHUT UP HIZZY

2005-11-03T10:14:00.000-08:00

Imagine if you were at trivia, and a song plays. You or one of your teammates knows the answer, writes it down, and then one of your teammates shouts "I LOVE OASIS" so that everyone else around you (including your opponents) can hear it.

@ Hizzy I know it is tough for you to keep a secret, but did you HAVE to blurt out the answer loud enough so that the other teams could hear it? It's a good thing we won that round or I would have skinned your hide. Next time you know the answer, SHUT THE FUCK UP.

(Hizzy is still my friend, I just like giving her shit, especially when she DESERVES it)

Angry

2005-10-24T17:02:00.000-07:00

Yes I am angry right now. It really does suck balls when you practice for 3 months every weekend without a day off and then, at the tournament, you get your ass handed to you. Thats why you practice, so you can do the ass-handing. But thats not my gripe at the moment. My gripe is with the paint, and my teammate. It sucks when you work your ass off at a tournament and win 5 cases of paint, only to be rewarded with cheap shit. The damn paint was shaped like footballs, the shell was so thin that you could see the paint through the shell, and the paint was brittle. My friend Adam was holding a paintball in his hand, and the paintball literally fell apart in his hand (I watched). You KNOW the paint is bad when the tournament is over, you have 6 bags left, and everyone is griping that they have to take home a bag. Usually, when a tournament is over, and we get paint leftover, I'm like "Cool, I got paint to play with next weekend! Badass!" This time it was like "FUCK I got paint leftover, GODDAMNIT!" So basically our reward from taking 3rd last tournament was shitty paint.

What I'm about to say burns me up because it shows how ungrateful people can be. One of my teammates had the fucking AUDACITY to complain to us for getting 3rd place last tournament. This was a guy on our team who didnt play last time, we picked him up and we let him have some of the free paint. He said "Why didnt you take 1st or 2nd last time, you could've gotten better prizes and we wouldnt have had to shoot this crap paint." You know, if anyone has the right to bitch about how shitty the paint was, it was the people who played last tournament, the ones who worked for it. YOU didnt work for the paint, WE did. We let you play the final tournament and GAVE you some of our free paint. You got free paint because of OUR hard work, so be grateful. It's one thing to bitch about how shitty the paint is, it's another thing to bitch at us because we got 3rd and not 1st or 2nd. It's like I was supposed to know 2 months in advance that the paint we got was gonna be horrible. You didnt even play last tournament so shut the fuck up and be grateful that we not only gave you a spot on the team, but let you in on the prizes. It's not like you earned them.

Next time I say we split the prizes up amongst those who played, then you can spend $60 on a case of paint, and then you WILL have the right to bitch about how shitty it is, fucker.

dont even ask how I did in the tournament

2005-10-23T16:30:00.000-07:00

We sucked ass, won 1 game out of 5. We didnt make finals. We blew ass. We sucked. We should have just stayed home and slept in, it would have been better use of our time. The paint we used shot like shit, the paintballs were oblong and deformed (they looked like fucking FOOTBALLS!), and they wouldnt fly straight for anything. I didnt stay alive for a single game, nor did I shoot anyone out. Off day I guess. Kinda frustrating.

This was our last tournament of the season and we stank. But the paint we shot was free cause we won 3rd place at the last event. So at least I didnt have to pay for anything. I'm glad the tournament season is over, there too much bullshit that goes on with tournaments (practice, the physical mental and emotional stress you put on your body etc).

Tournament season starts again in March. That gives me a nice long break (although I will still play for fun).

My sister

2005-10-17T20:17:00.000-07:00

You know, my sister is one of the most fucked up people I know (and I do know some fucked up people, living in Cape Girardeau for 3 years will do that to you).

She is a fake, a liar, a Phony Tony. She has no money yet she wants to live like the rich and famous. She has no money, she is at least a thousand dollars in debt (maxed out credit card and Neiman Markus card), and she had car insurance due (on her Mercedes). So what does she do you ask? She takes a FUCKING TRIP TO NEW YORK! Seriously, what the fuck? You know, I may not have alot of money, but at least I dont max out my credit card to make it look like I'm something I'm not. Yeah I admit, I have a few expensive tastes (look at my paintball gun collection), and when I am out with my friends, I like to spend a few dollars. But I would never do the things my sister does, that is just fucked up. At least if I take a vacation I make sure I can afford it (and I can, which is why I am going to Chicago the first weekend of November).

@ Julie (my sister) You dont need to be rich to impress people. It's not cool to go way in debt just to impress your friends. Be who you are. My friends dont think any less of me for not having alot of money. If your friends arent going to be your friends because you arent rich, then fuck em, you dont need em. But dont have wine tastes on a beer budget. It's only going to get you into more trouble.

I seriously doubt she listens to me. Oh well, at least I said what had to be said.

My feelings on several issues

2005-10-09T21:46:00.000-07:00

Ok, what I am about to say may or may not piss you off. Take it with a grain of salt (especially considering the source).

It is true that marijuana is an illegal drug. I have smoked it in the past, but I made the concious decision to quit for my own reasons. First off, I liked it when I did it. It felt good and it relaxed me. I decided that since I liked it, it was better to quit now before I got addicted or started doing it on a regular basis. Secondly, I am looking to get a job. I dont want to finally land a job and then lose it due to a drug test. Thirdly, I am the team captain of a paintball team, and if ANYONE caught wind of me smoking it, I would be removed from the team. I have quit smoking it, but I do respect the fact that some people choose to do it for whatever reason. If someone is smoking it in the next room, that is fine with me. Go ahead and smoke it until you are blue in the face for all I care. But I wont do it anymore. I see no point in smoking it, and I can get the same effects from drinking beer as I can from smoking weed.

However, I also respect the fact that some people dont want it done around them AT ALL. If there was something going on around me that I didnt like, and I didnt feel comfortable around it, I would leave also. I wouldnt go directly to the owner of the home and talk about it, because it is their home and they have the right to decide what goes on in their home. I dont live there, and I have no right to tell them what to do in their home, so the best option for me is to leave.

Thats all I am going to say on the subject. I am not taking sides on this, just wanted to voice my opinion.

Now on to other stuff.

NIN is coming up soon. I got money in hand for Scott, and I an wondering when I am gonna get a chance to see him to pay him. I cant wait for the concert. Its gonna be a blast.

The season is almost over paintball wise. We have one more tournament on October 23 then I am done. In between the end of July and now, I havent taken a single weekend off from paintball. Thats almost 3 months of playing. I am ready for a break. Next year, we are hand-picking 5 players to move up to play in the amateur division. I think I already have a spot secured, and I believe I am ready to move up.

Lately I have been playing with nothing but my pump gun (the one with my name engraved on it). Yesterday, a pro team (who has won 5 world championships) showed up and asked Total Greif to play them. We all used pumps, they had their super-duper semis capable of shooting copious amounts of paint. The team made me play in the front (this is a 12 on 12 mind you) and I worked my bunker and moved up, and shot 7 of them out. By the time the game was over, the pump guys still had 11 guys standing. I'm glad they have 5 world championships. It makes the victory sweeter knowing we not only beat a pro team, but a pro team with a ridiculously large trophy hall.

I think thats all, so I am going to bed.

Where have I been lately? Why havent I updated?

2005-09-28T18:14:00.000-07:00

Lately, I have been applying for job after job after job after job after job with no success. I wonder if there is something wrong with me. I applied for a job at different hospitals with no success, I applied at Convergys (my old job) with no success. I am basically like really really pissed off at myself and I know there is something wrong with me. (When you cant get your old job back AFTER YOU HAVE BEEN WITH THE COMPANY FOR THREE FUCKING YEARS AND YOU HAD A GOOD WORK RECORD AS WELL AS A GOOD ATTENDANCE RECORD then there is something wrong with you) Convergys sent me a letter last week saying "We are sorry, but we dont have a job that meets your skills." Thanks a lot for nothing jackass. Nobody has a job that meets my fucking skills. So I finally started applying at hospitals for jobs like "Cafeteria Worker" or "Janitioral Staff", and still been unsuccessful. It's really fucking pathetic when you have a college degree and you are applying for these stupid mediocre jobs and still getting rejected. I mean, (no offense to these 2 friends) but these are jobs that Corey and Delarber, people with no college education could do. I bet they would get these jobs before I would.

I am working with a headhunter, who told me I should apply at places like Pizza Hut or McDonalds. Yeah if I wanted a job at those kind of places I never woulda went to college. Thats insulting to tell someone with a college education to apply for those kind of jobs. Thats basically telling somebody "You wont get a job in your field anytime soon, so just settle for anything." Thanks for the words of encouragement. The minute I get a job, he gets paid, so therefore I want my money's worth and I want him to find me a job in my field. Maybe I should just get a job at a fucking low-life place like that, because it's not like anything better would come along, it hasnt yet and it never will. I hate myself.

FUCK THE JOB MARKET, DAMN IT TO FUCKING HELL

I am a failure.

Six Flags and a challenge

2005-09-18T21:06:00.000-07:00

People with heart troubles should not ride this ride............yeah right. I went on every single roller coaster at Six Flags yesterday. Every sign on every ride said that, and I still rode them all. First we rode Log Flume, then The Scrambler, then Mr Freeze (me Chuck and Angel rode it while everyone else went on the Scooby Doo ride, if you ask me Scooby Doo is some pot-head....damn duber smoker), then Chuck and I had a beer. Then we went on Excalibur, then Sceamin Eagle (me and Erich and Chuck and Angel rode it twice) then Bumper Cars, then Mine Train, then Ninja, then Batman, then the Boss, then Highland Fling. 12 rides altogether (if you count the 2 Screamin Eagle rides as seperate entities). I havent been to SF in 3 years, and I had fun. I wanted to ride Excalibur again, but nobody else would. Next time I do Excalibur I wanna drink 4 beers first then ride it. I hear its supposed to make your stomach queasy, and it didnt make my stomach queasy at all..........until I saw the girls eating those damn turkey legs. Those things make me sick just looking at them........it had nothing to do with Excalibur. Maybe I will even do 4 beers then do dragons wing, no scratch that I dont feel like spending the money. I ooooooooooooed on every single ride. As a kid, I used to love those rides, I still do, and I am still young enough to climb aboard those kinda rides. They are fun and I love the feeling of my stomach dropping and feeling like I am gonna puke after the ride is over. Actually I did that one time on the Scrambler.

I am hereby posing a challenge to any one of my friends that reads this post. I will ride ANY roller coaster at Six Flags more times than you can, you will be the first person to bow out. Here is the catch. You have to ride the ride as many times as you can, in the same car with me. If you DO bow out or claim you cannot ride it anymore, you owe me $50, and I owe you the same if I bow out.

Any takers?

Anti-bush Video Game

2005-09-14T07:37:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I was bored and so I scrolled down through Quill's blog. I found the Anti-bush Video Game (notice I didnt capitalize the first letter of his last name, because he doesnt even deserve that, the fucking senseless monster bastard). I beat the game and I loved it. So informative, yet so funny and witty at the same time. If you havent played that video game yet, I encourage you to try it out (especially if you are republican).

@ Quill Thank you for posting that link up on your blog.

My favorite part of the game was the part where you have to fight those 3 dudes, then once you beat them they all get fucked by inmates. Pretty fucking funny.

If you ask me, George Bush should be in prison, he has caused more deaths in the last year than any serial killer or mass murderer. But since he's a politician its ok (yeah right).

Fuck Bush, and fuck the republicans.

Politics

2005-09-11T22:23:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone,

Just because the title of this post is "politics" doesnt mean its gonna be a political post.

I think I have politics figured out. I never should have taken a political science class in high school, whats the point? All politics boils down to is the following phrase:

As long as one politician is sucking another politician's dick, it doesnt matter whats legal or whats illegal, they are gonna bend the rules.

Confused as to what I am talking about? Well we had a zoning meeting for the new paintball field. There was NO LEGAL REASON TO DENY US THE ZONING but they went ahead and did it anyways. They kept on spewing out all these "horror stories" about paintball, to which we answered with facts. It came down to "We have answered all the questions and shown you how your ideas of this sport are misconstrued. There is no legal reason to deny this paintball field the zoning." They didnt approve it because "They didnt have enough information about paintball to approve it." You see what I mean? In this case it didnt matter what the laws were, all they had to do was suck on eachothers dicks and they could do whatever they wanted. Fucking pricks.

We decided to sign another 3 year lease at our current location. Sorry politicians, we arent closing our field despite your hate for paintball.

I hate politics, I hate politicians, and I think a newborn retarded monkey could be a better politician then the fucking rednecks in Milstadt.

While we are on the subject I bet a newborn retarded monkey could be a better president than Dubya.

Yeah, I know that any republican who reads this blog is gonna fire on my ass, to which I say "Fuck you". I dont care, I think George W Bush is a horrible president, and I am counting down the days till that prick is out of office.

@ GW Bush Suck on a cock

hot water and cold air.....what a deadly combination

2005-09-02T14:15:00.000-07:00

Thats how hurricanes get started. Too bad there's no way to prevent them.

I heard that hurricanes are more common along the east coast than the west coast.

Glen is heartless. He told me today that he doesnt feel sorry for the people who chose to stay in New Orleans. He said "Daniel, if I heard a tornado was gonna hit our house, you better believe we'd be anywhere but here. Yes my heart does go out to those people, but since they chose to stay, it's their own damn fault they are in this mess."

It doesnt matter whether they couldnt leave, or whether they chose to stay, or WHY they are fucking there. Now the problem becomes how to get them outta there. These people have been starving for the last 4 days, and with all the shit they went through both mentally and physically, it's bound to fuck with them.

But Glen doesnt care about all that, he's out fishing right now.

Fuck you Glen.

bad news, good news, more bad news and more good news

2005-08-29T21:05:00.000-07:00

Well the B team dropped out of the tournament this past weekend because there were not enough refs. So I was supposed to ref. However, two of the people who were on the A team quit the team ONE DAY before the tournament. So the A team came to me and said" You are on the A team now, show up tomorrow".

Well I show up to play the next day, and we played 6 games. We went 4 and 2, meaning we won 4 games and lost 2. We were kind of mad that we lost 2 games, and therefore our preliminary scores were lower than we had expected.

Now for the good news. The scores werent low enough to keep us out of the finals. Even though we came into the finals in 4th place, we still made it into the finals, which was AWESOME because the day before we didnt even have a team, we scrambled around and picked up players at the last minute, and had not practiced together for even one game before the tournament. The fact that we made finals was a victory in itself.

Now for more bad news. The first game of the finals we got our asses handed to us. We didnt shoot a single person out or score a single point. The second game went alot like the first, nobody on the other team got shot and not a point scored.

Now for more good news. The 3rd and final game of the finals, like 2 minutes into the game its down to a 2 on 5. And we are the two, me and Spanky. I make this stupid run up the right side of the field, and somehow I survive. With one stream of paint I shoot 3 players out, taking the game down to a 2 on 2. Then I shoot a 4th man out which turns the tables. Its a 2 on 1 in our favor. Spanky shoots the last guy, then he pulls the flag and hangs it, giving us the win for that game. Since we won that game, we got 3rd place in the tournament and put that team in 4th place (taugh taugh Dunn's Factory Team).

For 3rd place we each got a case of paint. We decided we are going to wait till the next event to collect our paint, that way we dont have to buy ANY paint for the next event.

How the fuck I pulled out a 2 on 5 is beyond me, I'm just glad I was able to do it and almst single-handedly give my team a 3rd place win.

OOOOOOOOOOOO beatcha I win

Another weekend, another tournament

2005-08-24T19:31:00.000-07:00

This weekend we got another tournament. I'm not really that excited about playing the tournament, cause it means I have to put up with Tom. You guys dont know Tom. He is 50 years old and a car salesman. Wonder if he knows Epps. Anyhow, Tom is a really abrasive person and its hard to talk to him. This guy has mood swings like Quill has rhinos. I think he's bipolar, seriously. At least he's got some sort of mental imbalance. He called me today, and asked if we should throw the game to the other team (assuming we have to play them in the preliminaries). He said our squad has no shot at winning the series anyways, and this could put the other team in the finals and help them win the series.

You know, I would love to help the team win the series championship and win the grand prize (5 paintball guns, custom lazer engraved with your name and team number). But when cocksucker Eric Kilgore said I couldnt play, I formed a second team. By all rights I shouldve had a fucking spot on the first team. I'm more talented than some of the other assclowns on the team. In fact, sometimes I wonder if I had been able to tryout, would I have gotten a spot on the A team. I probably wouldve, no scratch that, I know I wouldve, cause now I play all the other tournaments (sans the ones in the series) with the A team.

I think its stupid to throw the game to the A team. If they wanna win the series and the grand prize, let them work their asses off for it. Dont expect the B team to lay down so you guys can win a prize. What do we get out of it? Nothing? Thats what I fucking thought. So shut up and shoot us off the field if you really wanna win the prize.

Sal always prides himself on Total Greif being a standout team and a cut above the rest. He says Greif is a team that doesnt cheat and we always play stand up paintball. I think that not playing to your fullest ability because you want your friends to make it into the finals is a form of cheating. I could be wrong, but I feel this is cheating, as much as wiping a hit, as much as leaving the start station early, as much as befriending a referee so they can let an obvious hit go unnoticed.

You know, I dont even know why I formed a B team anyways. If we lose, we lose and lose out on series points. If we win, we knock our friends out of finals and they get mad.

Karma bit me in the ass so hardcore.

Fuck you Tom and Sal, I wont throw the game.

Anyone care to comment?

and the vacation ends (well almost)

2005-08-16T23:01:00.000-07:00

Goddamn this month went fast. My parents come home tomorrow. I dont like living with my parents. I dont like their presence. I guess I shouldnt say that really, but I just did. So ha. Anyhow, it was nice to have the house to myself for a month with nothing to do. And tonight added to my winning streak. We won 2 rounds of trivia. Thats right, not one, but 2. Too bad Joe Angel Yoda and Chuck couldnt make it. So we called Toni and Erich, they gave us ALOT of help.

This weekend is supposed to be chock full of fun. Two parties in two nights. Could life get any better? I guess it could, if my parents werent home. I know they are gonna harp on me for not even looking for a job over the last month. I probably shouldve looked for one. After all, when they do come back, all I'm gonna be doing is working for Glen. I hate working for him.

Nix says: Heineken is the worst tasting beer ever.

I am sore, I am so fucking sore

2005-08-15T07:48:00.000-07:00

So we had the tournament this weekend. We put in two teams, and we took 2nd and 3rd. I played on the 2nd place team. Both teams played with NOTHING BUT PUMPS, and we played against people who were shooting semis. The way I see it, if we can take 2nd and 3rd when the other teams are shooting semis, we must be doing something right, we must have some sort of skill in us. It was a blast. They only took the top 2 teams to the finals, and we played best 2 out of 3 games. The first game of the finals, we got rolled. Literally our asses were stomped on. The 2nd game was a little better, I was the last guy left in a 3 on 1, and managed to take 2 of em out. So it's down to a 1 on 1 . Too bad I lost the 1 on 1, we could've taken it to a 3rd game. I'm kinda dissapointed in myself.

The rain sucked, for 2 reasons. First of all, with the rain pouring down, we couldnt see shit through our goggles. Secondly, when it rains, paintballs dont fly as straight as they do if its dry outside. I think it has something to do with the humidity or maybe the rain hitting the paint when its in mid air tends to make the ball curve a little. At any rate, if you have a semi, it is easier to adjust your aim. Playing pump in the rain is another story, because you only have 1 shot, and that makes it more difficult to adjust your aim. Oh well, second place is still a good showing, especially since we all played pump. Had a blast, just wish I coulda pulled out the 1 on 1.

It amazes me that during a tournament I can do all these crazy superman moves and not feel pain. Like one game I did a superman dive into a bunker, landed flat on my stomach. It didnt hurt, at least not during the tournament. I also was able to slide into bunkers all day long, abuse my body in ways I never thought possible and not feel the pain. Well not then anyways. Now, the next day, I am really really fucking sore. I dont know why the soreness doesnt settle in till the next day, or later on that day.

At any rate, congratulations to me. $45 and 2 cases of paint, not bad for a days work (and yes I do mean work).

tournament next weekend

2005-08-07T22:58:00.000-07:00

HAPPY 80TH ENTRY BEAVERBLOG

There now that thats outta the way, we got a tournament next weekend. Thats right folks, Beaver is gonna step on the field and try to win it all next weekend. Actually this is a mechanical tournament, meaning no electronic paintball guns are allowed. Total Greif is gonna step on the field not only with mechanical guns, but with PUMPS! We win whether we win or lose. If we win, fuck ya we win. If we lose, its ok cause we only have pumps. We are "supposed to lose". Thats what some shallow-minded people believe.

Speaking of pumps, mine should be in (hoepfully) within the next 2 weeks. Its gonna be really cool. The name of the gun is gonna be the Total Greif Signature Series Pump Gun. It's gonna have my name and team number laser engraved into the gun. I'm definitely gonna shoot some people up with that gun. I'll show it to you all once I get it (if you are interested that is).

I practiced with a pump this weekend, and didnt fare so well. I only shot like 4 people out the entire weekend. I was practicing pump. If this is any indication of how well I am gonna play in the tournament next weekend, then I dont know if I should show up. But I will show up and play anyways. Actually I'd rather have a shitty day playing the week before the tournament than the day of the tournament. Maybe it's a good idea to get my shitty day of playing out of the way now.

I really dont have a whole lot else to talk about, just basically working on paintball skills.

There Hizzy, my blog is updated, hope you had fun reading it.

What the fuck is wrong with people?

2005-08-03T00:59:00.000-07:00

I'm angry, pissed as a matter of fact. I fucking hate what happened to me this past week. There's this dude who emailed me (via the total greif website, me and everyone else on the team) with a question about the tournament we had this weekend. At least thats what it said in the subject box of my email. So I opened it. This cocksucker had the fucking AUDACITY to belittle our team. He said that he lives in the Milstadt area, and he doesnt want our field there because it provides competition for his home field. (just so you know, there is another field 1 mile away from ours, and the owner of that field hates us because we are competition) Belittling the team is enough, but this jackass also had the fucking nerve to insult me for having a heart defect. He said that he cant beleive I sent my "sob story" to a paintball magazine (which got published). Well let me tell you something. I never sent in a sob story to a paintball magazine. THEY emailed ME and asked if they could interview ME. The guy said I need to quit milking my heart defect and just get on with life. With a few minor exceptions, I have never asked anyone to treat me differently. Yes, I wear a chest protector when I play paintball. It's true that I cant run as fast, and I do have a few (minor) limitations. So what? Is that any reason to email someone and fucking belittle them?

So anyways, I email this fucker and tell him he wouldnt have the fucking balls to say that shit to my face at the field this weekend. So he shows up, and starts telling me off at the field. I tell him to put his money where his fucking mouth is and get on the field. I tell him that I will show him what a "cripple"can do (yes he called me that, fucking asshole). So I play this cocksucker 1 on1 and beat him. So the game is over, and since I am so pissed, I shoot him 18 times in the back from 5 feet away. (I counted) This guy gets mad at me and leaves. Good for him. I dont care if he is all bruised up, or if he is so sore he cant lie down on his back for a week, my heart defect is something YOU DONT FUCK WITH! I fucking hope this shitsucker shows up at the field again this weekend. I wont be so nice this time. I'm going all out, not quitting at 18, and they will probably all be in the nuts.

And just so you all know, I am not one bit sorry for hurting this guy

Green Meat rules

2005-07-27T00:39:00.000-07:00

Tonight, Joe Scuba and Chuck and I formed a team at O'Learys for trivia night. WE WON A ROUND! GO US! We formed a team called "Green Meat" and we ALMOST KICKED ASS! We beat the Smartasses (I think). At least we won the Saturday Night Live round. We got a $10 gift certificate to O'Leary's. At least we beat the Smartasses. I bet we could put a team in consisting of me, Delarber, Mark West, and Dan Mallet and STILL beat the Smartasses. The Smartasses suck.

@ Hizzy Please dont beat my ass for this post, you smartass, we just had your number this time :-D

I love warm weather but this is ridiculous

2005-07-25T22:44:00.000-07:00

Ya, another weekend gone and I STILL didnt get to play paintball. I'm about to shoot some paintballs in the house just to keep my fucking sanity. The weather is so fucking hot that I can barely breathe, so lately all I have been doing is staying inside in the air conditioning. Except for Saturday. Saturday I went to Kris Merz's house for a pool party. This is the first time I have been swimming since I got my ear surgery done. I love being able to swim without earplugs. It rocks.

During the party, Erich told me that I need to go see the movie "Batman Begins". I havent seen it yet, and I kinda want to. On the other hand, Erich DID tell me that this movie was good, and that's what worries me. (This is the guy who told me "The Grudge" was good, and that movie is lame. It deserves a spot in the HoL in my opinion)

I would like to see a few movies, such as Fantastic Four and MAYBE Bad News Bears. I already saw The Island and Wedding Crashers, so I can knock those off the list.

A word about me and movies. I dont know if anyone knows this about me, but I have ADHD and I cant concentrate on movies for ANYTHING. I mean, even when I watch paintball videos I cant watch them the whole way through. I always have to pause the movie and go do something else and come back to the movie. If I can watch a movie at my own pace, I can actually understand whats happening. Maybe I need the time to masturbate, maybe I need the time to pause and reflect on the movie, theres a plethora of reasons why I cant watch a movie straight through. But now you know, and knowing is half the battle. Actually in my opinion it's 99% of the battle. Maybe thats why we're losing the war now, cause Bush doesnt know shit. Fucking retard.

Adios

And the vacation begins...

2005-07-21T12:51:00.000-07:00

My parents should be in London England now, by my calculations. Since I work for my stepdad, that means I am off for a month. Finally some R&R.

Yesterday was my dad's birthday, somy sister and I took him to Red Lobster. I had crab alfredo, it was ok. My dad turned 57 yesterday.

@ Dad Happy Birthday

After Red Lobster I went over to my teammate's house. We sat around and shot the shit and then he downloaded a Matrix manual for me. The Matrix is my new paintball gun I got, the one I still havent shot yet. I took apart my matrix today and put it back together (using the owners manual of course). Its a pretty easy gun to take care of, and I have the owners manual, so Im good there.

I thought about starting a book today. I probably should pick up a book and read it over my month long vacation, but I havent yet. Oh well, at least I thought about it, thats enough brainwork for today.

I might head over to karaoke later on tonight. We'll see.

Paintball is da bomb

I dont really have anything to discuss, I just feel like posting

2005-07-19T06:53:00.000-07:00

So the other day, I got a new paintball gun. Some kid wanted my $500 gun and traded me his $700 gun. I took the trade and ran. I wasnt born yesterday. I hope by now he realizes how bad he got screwed. Oh well, his loss is my gain.

Despite the fact that I got a new gun last week, I still havent had a chance to play with it. Saturday was my workdate and so I had to ref. I woulda went out Sunday and played, but I couldnt breathe. You know when the news says how its so hot that people with medical conditions shouldnt go out? Well that applies to me, especially now with that weak aorta.

That being said, I have alot of built up adrenaline in me from not playing paintball in 3 weeks (I havent played since a week before the wedding). I hope it cools off this weekend so I can get out there and play at least a few games.

One of our sponsors is merging with the biggest paintball company in the world. That means that when they merge, Total Greif would have THE hugest sponsorship in the world (well as big as the pro players have). Literally, there would be NOTHING we couldnt use, which is good, cause that means I dont have to use the Extreme Rage 20/20 goggle system anymore, and I can go back to using my VForce Profiler goggle system. Profilers = good and comfortable Extreme Rage = bad and uncomfortable.

I think I'm gonna talk to Quill about having LaClair Construction Services sponsor Total Greif

Its weird how fucked up some people's logic really is. The people of Milstadt say that paintball is unsafe and too warlike. They say they dont like guns being fired, yet the VERY SAME people go coon-hunting and shooting REAL guns every fucking weekend. They told Sal if he was buying the land to shoot real guns on, then they wouldnt have had a problem with it, but paintball guns are too unsafe. Fucking idiots

@ The people of Milstadt FUCK YOU ALL I HOPE YOU ALL SHOOT YOURSELVES AND REALIZE THAT PAINTBALL IS FUCKING SAFER THAN YOUR COON-HUNTING

I know they dont read my blog, but if anyone of them ever did stumble upon this post, more power to me.

My Best Man Speech

2005-07-11T21:10:00.000-07:00

It occurred to me that alot of my friends didnt get to hear my best man speech. I will post it in my blog. Read, and Enjoy

Hi, I'm Dan Klingler, I'm the Best Man
I've known Erich since 1996
For those of you who hate math, that's 9 years
I'm the little brother Erich never had
The little brother he never wanted
I remember when Toni and Erich first met
It was during an episode of a cartoon show called "Family Guy"
I never thought a cartoon could help two people fall in love
But Apparently it can
I still like cartoons, so theres still some hope for me
Ever since Erich and Toni first met I've noticed a change
It's been a change for the better
They've both been alot happier
I'd like to take a moment to make a toast to our newlyweds
Congratulations Toni and Erich

What did you all think?

The wedding is over

2005-07-10T06:52:00.000-07:00

Well, the wedding is over and I am relieved. You should have seen how nervous I was during the ceremony. Hizzy can testify to the fact that my hands were cold clammy and shaking. Then the stupid party bus didnt have air conditioning. So Epps and Eric (another Eric, not Milstadt Erich) blocked the party bus from leaving because they wanted another party bus (one with air conditioning). The cops showed up, and Erich was really upset because "the whole day was ruined". Epps and I and a few others stood in the church air conditioning and popped open a few beers. So finally the guys move their cars to allow the party bus to leave, the bus leaves, the minivan arrives, and we go to Tower Grove Park. After the whole party bus incident everything went smoothly. My best man speech was great, and people ACTUALLY UNDERSTOOD WHAT I WAS SAYING! Alot of people asked me how long I worked on the best man speech, and I told them I started it around 5 AM that morning.

Actually I had the gist of the speech in my head, I just had to write it out. The reason I woke up at 5 AM was because I had a bad dream the night before that Erich kicked me out of the wedding party cause my speech wasnt good enough. I woke up with my heart pounding a mile a minute, and I was breathing heavy. So I wrote something out. Then I tried to go back to bed, but I couldnt fall asleep so I stayed awake and played Greg Hastings Tournament Paintball.

I dont think I ever wanna be best man again.

It's my blog and I'll rant if I want to

2005-07-05T22:57:00.000-07:00

@ Hizzy No I didnt steal the title from a song or a music album. Steve planted this title in my head. Blame him for this title, and this post.

So Milstadt called me today and was all apologetic about putting too much stress on me. He said it was COMPLETELY his fault (I agree with him 100% there) and he told me his bachelor party was better than Steves was. (I agree with him 0% there) He said it WAS better because A) We got to do the things HE wanted to do B) We got to see more strippers C) Milstadt got to look at the strippers HE wanted to look at and D) He got lapdances from the strippers HE wanted to get lapdances from.

@ Milstadt Just so you know, Steve planned your whole bachelor party and planted the idea in my head. What a dick he is. Thank him for your wonderful night.

And now, a word from our sponsors about beanspillers.

Friends are good things to have. When a friend confides in another friend, the friend who was confided in should feel honored that the person trusts them enough to confide in them. Breaking that bond of trust is a veeeeeeerrrrrry bad thing. Thank goodness nothing bad happened in this instance, but who knows what next time could bring.

I admit it, I am chickenshit when it comes to confrontations. I dont like confrontation and attempt to avoid them at all costs. Back when I was younger, my dad dished out hardcore punishments if we (no not we, me, Daniel Klingler) started a confrontation. I learned very early in life that keeping things bottled up inside is the way to go (at least in my case). As I got older, I learned thats not the way things really are. I need to quit being a fucking chickenshit and just meet confrontation fucking head-on.

I wasnt trying to avoid confrontation in this instance. I was just waiting for the right time to make my feelings heard. I figured I would just go ahead and go through the whole wedding thing, let Milstadt go on his honeymoon, and later on, after the whole kit and kaboodle was over, start in with the whole confrontation. I was dodging the issue becauseof timing, and that reason alone is why I chose to do what I did. I knew Milstadt was under alot of stress about the whole wedding, and didnt want to add more stress on. That was my reasoning.

Telling friends that you want them to make up and be cool again is wishful thinking. It wont happen. Thats like you telling Osama Bin Laden to be friends with America again.

Meddle Hizzy is gonna jump all over my ass for this one.

@ Quill I wanted to go to bed. Why did you have to be a dick and make me post this at 1:30 AM?

Erich's bachelor party

2005-06-27T15:31:00.000-07:00

OK so I got to admit, I did have some fun at the bachelor party. Not nearly as much fun as I had at Quill's, but some fun nonetheless.

We went to Growler's, had a few drinks and dinner. Then we went to Westport. Had some more drinks, then over to the Eastside, where we ended up at a strip club called Hollywood. Erich got 2 lapdances. Highlight of the night was seeing titties.

Um.........yeah...........it was lame-o, but Erich is tickled pink and thinks his bachelor party was 1000 times better than Quills. I call bullshit on that one.

I am reposting the original post

2005-06-27T15:29:00.000-07:00

You want to know something? I am seriously sick of all the shit that is happening with Erich right now. I am sick of him acting like an arrogant pompous jerk with the whole wedding thing. He tells me that he wants my best man speech to be good (and he emphasizes the word "good"). You want to know something about me and speaking in front of people? Well I will tell you. The last time I checked my drivers license, my name wasnt "Scott Willenbrock" or "Stephen Province". What that means is that I am not very good at bullshitting my way through things or talking in front of a huge crowd. This is one of my faults and I know it and I admit it. Im not ashamed of it neither. If you want me to give a best man speech, I will do the best I can, but that does NOT mean that my best man speech is going to go down in history as the greatest best man speech of all time. I suck at speaking in front of people, and you shouldnt pressure me to give the all-time best man speech. Call Scott or Steve if you want something like that.Speaking of Steve, I find it quite ironic that you want to one-up him with this whole bachelor party thing. Your request was to make it a better bachelor party than his was. You know what? Bachelor parties arent about one-upping somebody, or trying to make one bachelor party better than another. Bachelor parties are about going out and having fun one last time with your friends. Whats that word Erich? That f word that has seven letters in it? It's friends. Part of what makes a bachelor party so cool is that you are hanging out with your friends. Friends are one thing you should fucking cherish and not throw away. I threw some of my friends away for awhile, the same friends you did as a matter of fact. I hate myself for doing so. At least they have level heads on their shoulders and arent concerned about trying to make themselves better than you. And then you say Steve is in competition with you. Well if Steve IS in competition with you, then he won that race, which makes YOU the loser.Erich told me that he wanted his bachelor party in Westport. I dont have the money to pay for a hotel in Westport just cause he demands it. Bachelor parties are about what the groom wants, but he has to be reasonable. I dont see that happening anytime soon. I dont have the money to spend making this the bachelor party that Erich wants. I have $200 that I am willing to shell out. Not only that, but if we did have it in Westport, we'd get thrown out on our asses because I dont think a bachelor party in Westport would fly.You wanna know something Erich? You are stubborn and closed minded, and your new nickname "Milstadt" suits you well. For someone who prides himself on not caring about Steve, you sure do obsess about him alot.Get your head out of your ass and grow the fuck up.....before its too late. Actually it probably is already too late. Oh well, its not like Erich woulda listened to me anyways.

luck vs skill

2005-06-22T08:07:00.000-07:00

Is it luck or skill or a little bit of both that helps people come out on top and win? I dont know, it probably is a little bit of both, but I would say its at least 75% skill that helps people win.

The other day my buddy Tore and I played in a game of open play. We started it out with a 3 on 6, and it was me, Tore and Alex. Alex was our cover player, and he was using a high end electronic paintball gun. Tore and I were both using pumps. When the referee shouts "GO!" Alex had forgotten to turn on his paintball gun, and got shot shortly after the break (I mean, like 30 seconds into the game). At that point it was a 2 on 6, Tore and I (both using pumps mind you) vs everyone else. I am in the back left corner and Tore is in the back right corner. I see a kid running to the back right (on Tore's side of the field) and shoot at him. I missed. After several more shots I got him. I shot the kid from across the field. Then I made a move into the snake bunker. You probably dont know what a snake is, but picture a bunker that you have to lay down in. Even sitting up in this bunker will leave you exposed, unless the snake has bunkers in the middle somewhere for cover, which allows you to sit up and still be behind cover.
I started in the snake and pushed my way up and got cross field shots on 2 more guys.

So what I basically did was move up the field and get angles on people. We were down to a 2 on 6, but by playing smart and moving up the field, we took down the entire team WITH PUMPS! Everyone says we got "lucky". I say we just had good skills. Anyone can shoot 32823 balls a second and hope to hit someone. Shooting them with one well placed shot takes skill not luck.

I think Im gonna put down all my semis and just play pump for awhile. I play alot more aggresively when I play pump, and the team said I do alot better.

So I got a question for everyone. This is solely your opinion. Just leave your answer in the comments section.

Did we win because of luck or skill?

Explosive aorta

2005-06-09T21:11:00.000-07:00

Sounds like a weird title doesnt it?

But its true. I visited the heart doctor last week, and he said that I have a weak aorta that is going from my heart to my lungs. He said its not too much to worry about unless I have shortness of breath (which I dont).

However he has warned me of a few things. I am no longer allowed to lift anything that weighs 50 lbs or more. PLEASE PLEASE everyone, I am telling you all right now, that I CANNOT wrestle anymore. I dont think we do it anymore anyways, and I know everyone knows I am not allowed to wrestle, but this time I mean it for real. The doctor said if I lift 50 lbs or more, THE AORTA COULD BURST.

Now I know what some people are probably thinking: Beaver, why do you post this in your blog? Everyone knows about your heart defect and they know you cant wrestle. Well I know y'all know that. But I just want to make it perfectly clear that I cant wrestle or do that kinda shit anymore, and this time its for real.

Also, I cannot drink hard liquor anymore. No more shots, no more mixed drinks. Beer is about all I can drink now. Please everyone, if one day you see me drunk and see me getting myself a shot or a mixed drink TAKE IT AWAY FROM ME! I'm not saying babysit me, but I am giving everyone permission to take away any shots/mixed drinks/hard liquor of any kind.

I really dont think anyone in the group would wrestle with me anymore, I know they all know my limitations and respect them. But I also know some people (Dave Corey etc) dont read blogs. If possible, if you guys see Dave or Corey before I do, could you please tell them whats up?

Nix says: Oh wait a minute, this isnt Nix, is it?

I'm baaaaaaaaaaack

2005-06-06T12:03:00.000-07:00

I really dont know if anyone checks my blog anymore cause I havent updated it in forever and a day. Anyhow, the graduation went well and I am home for good. My computer is up and running again.

Yesterday was a paintball tournament and we totally sucked ass. We only won 3 games out of 7, and didnt make finals. Even though we didnt make finals, I did something awesome. Ok check it out. 2 minutes into the game its down to a 4 on 1, and I was the last one left. 2 members of the other team tried to come around to either side of my bunker. Their reasoning was that if they swept around both sides of my bunker, I could shoot 1, but not both. I shot both of them before they could even make it anywhere near my bunker. The 3rd person comes running at me, but I shot him 5 times before he even came close to me. He still keeps running at me so I continue to shoot him. He finally shoots me BUT the referees decided that because that player was already eliminated when he shot me, I should still be an active player. They wiped the paint off of me, then they pulled the guy who shot me PLUS HIS TEAMMATE because the guy who shot me was cheating. Unfuckingbelievable. I pulled out a 4 on 1 in a tournament. Alright maybe I didnt completely pull off a 4 on 1, but it was amazing nonetheless. And actually yes I do think I pulled out a 4 on 1, because all of those guys were eliminated and I wasnt. That team totally got served.

I learned on the way home from a source that shall remain nameless that Amber quit the wedding. She doesnt like it that John Shelley isnt invited. I was totally fucking shocked when I heard this, and I am at a loss for words.

Happy Friday the 13th everyone

2005-05-13T08:51:00.000-07:00

This may be my last blog entry for awhile, so forgive me if this entry is long. The reason this entry may be my last one for an indeterminable amount of time is because I graduate college tomorrow, and I come home (for good) either sat night or sun morning (havent decided which yet), and my computer at home is on the fritz, we cant log on at home.

I graduate tomorrow first and foremost. All of my finals are done, now all I gotta do is go through the graduation ceremony. All I have to say is this:

FUCK YOU SEMO YOU GOT SERVED OOOOOOOOOO BEATCHA I WIN SEMO

I went out and got totally trashed last night. Between me and 10 of my friends we went through damn near 20 pitchers of beer, then we also did shots of tequila (about 2 apiece) and we all did Jaeger bombs. Let me tell you one thing, McDonalds may be your friend when you are drunk, but the next morning you get the shits.

I kinda wanna get this graduation thing over with and come home. It's like Quill said: Being away at college is fun, you make alot of friends, and have alot of fun, but, it is good to be home.

I have to get my haircut today, and return my cable box. I will do that this afternoon.

I have to say something about Spawn and Nix. They go outta town an awful lot, and I rarely get to see them. They my bros, and I kinda wish I could hang w/ them more often. Now that Im done with college and coming back home, I can see them more often.

@ Spawn and Nix - We gotta hang out more often now that I am home for good.

I am the first male on my dad's side of the family that has graduated college for the last several generations. My dad had one semester left and dropped out. What a douche.

I kinda wish that this whole "erich situation" would kinda disappear. I can completely understand the guys' (Dave, Scott, Steve, Corey etc) position on this. To tell you the truth, it kinda makes me sad that the guys getting married and (through fault of his own) nobody from BJ is gonna be there. I mean, if I got married, I would want all my boys (or boyz) there. Not that I can really do anything to change this situation, but I just wanted to post my feelings on that topic.

I guess this post wasnt too long-winded, but I did talk about quite a few things. Its a long post for me, put it that way.

I guess thats about it. I'm kinda nervous about tomorrow

hahaha I didnt have a final today after all

2005-05-10T06:33:00.000-07:00

Last night I had to write a paper for my 8 AM final this morning. It only had to be 1 paragraph, but I made it extra long to pretend like I really cared. The paragraph was over the most significant thing we learned in the class, and how we can relate this information to our daily lives. Basically the paper was over bullshit and you just had to spout out a bunch of stuff to get a grade. That paper (I found out just a little while ago) was our final. I wish I woulda known that., I mighta put more thought into the paper. I guess thats what happens when you miss the class right before finals start. Oh well, I think I did ok in the class. I hope I can keep my B.

I'm going to miss college. I know when I was going through it all, I was saying to myself, "I cant wait to graduate. I wanna get outta here." Now I am graduating, and I dont want to, cause I wanna live the party lifestyle again.

I am gonna seriously cut back on the drinking when I am done with college. Right now I go to the bar every night. I might even quit drinking for good. Ok go ahead and call BULLSHIT on me there, and you are right. I am not gonna totally abstain from drinking, but I do want to cut back, because alcoholism runs in my family. I'm not saying that I am an alkie, or that I have a problem (I dont think I do, cause there are several nights last week when I didnt go down to the bar and I was fine) but I know that it has the tendancy to become a problem, and I dont want that to happen, so I am going to cut down on my alcohol intake. I promised myself and my parents that I would do so once I got out of college. So here's to consuming less alcohol.

I have to go, its time to go back to bed.

How big of an idiot do you have to be?

2005-05-06T07:11:00.000-07:00

First off, lets say today is May 6, 2005. I joined Total Greif May 6, 2001. I have been on the team for exactly 4 years today. Let's take a look back at a recent event that cheesed me off and made me pissed at some of my teammates. Here we go.

How big of an idiot do you have to be to lie to somebody, cheat them, and THEN ask them for a favor? This Eric Kilgore motherfucker (yes I am gonna bitch, click off if you dont like it) lied to me and cheated me, as I have said in the last post. Well then I get an email from this motherfucker yesterday asking me if I can ref the entire tournament series, including the ones at his field, FOR FREE! C'mon, I dont even think Mark West Or Chris Delarber is capable of that much stupidity. Eric is dumber than all of the yaks combined. Fuck you Eric.

It also amazes me that some of my teammates (Sal included) thinks I should do it. Their reasoning is this: Eric refereed the tournaments at our field, and he did Sal a favor because this tournament series is helping Sal pay some bills, so we owe it to him to referee. I can counteract both points. First of all, of course he should ref the tournaments at our field. It is his series and he is getting alot of money for it, so of course he is obligated to work and referee. It's like if Tore came home and worked for a weekend. Since it is his field, he is obligated to help out more than the rest of us.

Second of all, I think its commendable that Eric's series is helping Sal pay the bills. But that means Sal owes him favors NOT ME! Thats like if Joe Behrens fixes Scotts computer, and then Scott tells Hizzy that she owes Joe a favor because Scott benefitted from Joe's actions. Hizzy doesnt owe Joe shit, just like I dont owe Eric shit.

I refereed the tournament at Sal's field because he gives me a place to play. I play there for free and I am therefore obligated to work a little and help out. But Eric doesnt help me out. He doesnt give me shit. So I am not obligated to help him out. I think Eric is an idiot for even ASKING for my help, and my teammates are idiots for shunning me for not helping Eric. He is a cheater and a liar and I wont help him out AT ALL.

GODDAMNIT.......just GODDAMNIT

Thats all I have to say.

I need to vent, so I am doing so

2005-04-27T17:40:00.000-07:00

If you havent read my post where I apologized for my immaturity, scroll down. Its the post right below this one. In that post, I apologized to Heather and Steve, and bitched about the paintball series. I am venting my feelings about the paintball thing, so this post shouldnt offend anyone.

I do not like Eric Kilgore. He is a cheater and a liar. Here is the entire story from start to finish. We had a paintball tournament (we hosted it) back in February. I am the team captain, so I took care of all the legwork (advertising and promoting the tournament, checking the other fields websites to make sure our tournament didnt conflict with any of theirs, printing up and handing out flyers, calling sponsors to get prizes, etc.) and I believed that when we played the SLA tournament series, I would be selected. The money we raised from the tournament went back into the team treasury, which was supposed to pay our way into the SLA series.

In March, Eric Kilgore (the guy running the series) decided to change the event to rookie/novice. He defined rookie/novice as "anyone who has 3 years or less of tournament experience, and you cannot have played above division 3 in any national event (division 3 means the lowest division in national events, FYI). I asked him on the forum boards, emails, and phone calls several times (with no answer) if I could play and finally, after driving all the way into town for the team tryouts, I arrive at the paintball field only to learn I am not eligible. At that point I was mad, but I understood. After all, I was too advanced and therefore, I shouldnt be allowed to play. I was mainly angry at the fact that I had driven all the way up from Cape Girardeau to find out I couldnt play. At that point, I was angry because he didnt respond to my repeated attempts to contact him. Had he responded when I was in Cape, I would have stayed there instead of driving some 200 miles roundtrip. Even if I was in St Louis, I would still be just as pissed, because it was still a waste of time.

The day of the tournament, I arrive to ref, only to find out that Eric Kilgore had allowed 6 or 7 teams of his own to enter the tournment, with 1 catch: They were also amateur players, just like I am. Now he had dug his grave even further: He not only didnt respond to me in a decent amount of time, he also lied to me and cheated me out of my chance to play a tournament series. I am sorry, but these players are CLEARLY amateur. They have played above division 3 in national events, and played pro and amateur levels for several years. I brought this up to Sal, who told me to tell Eric. Eric said "They took 6 years off from paintball, trust me Beaver, you would school these guys".

I feel that it doesnt matter how much time you take off from paintball, once you move up in class, you shouldnt be allowed to move back down. Thats like saying I have 6 or 7 years of experience in riding a bike, I take 6 years off and then if I get back on a bike I all of a sudden have no experience riding a bike. You can see where the word "Bullshit!" comes into play.

I hold Sal partially responsible also. He also allowed these players to play, even if it isnt his series. He also knew the players were amateur, had played above the required skill level, and he didnt do anything to stop it. He just let them play. I think I hold Eric 90% responsible and Sal 10% responsible, and I am blaming Sal for his failure to take action.

The worst part about all of this (actually 2 worst parts) are this: People were telling me "Eric didnt do anything to you personally." By lying to me and deceiving me, he did do something to me personally. He insulted my intelligence because he expected me to believe the bullshit that came out of his mouth. Also, I cannot vent to anyone. If I vent to Sal, he will tell me "Screw you, tell Eric how you feel". If I vent to Eric, he will fuck my team over as a personal vengence he has on me. I cant tell him how I feel because he will make sure my team gets fucked in the tournament series, and I dont want them to get fucked over because I couldnt hold my tongue.

If anyone has any suggestions on what I can do, please let me know.

FUCK YOU ERIC KILGORE

I dont know what to title this post....

2005-04-25T17:25:00.000-07:00

OK everyone, let me start off by saying that what happened this weekend was horrible. Some of my friends informed me that the girls were going to do a girls night and then the guys would meet up with them later. The reason behind all of this was so Heather would be invited and Steve wouldnt. When I first heard about it, I admit, I didnt think Heather would be too hurt by it. I didnt think she would take offense to this incident. Looking back, I realize I was wrong. It's not right to make someone feel bad. Some people even told me they dont like Steve and therefore they didnt want him around but they wanted Heather around. They told me that they wanted to do it because they didnt want Steve around, and I beleive that was their intentions. They were doing it to avoid Steve, not to humiliate Heather. In all reality, I admit that I didnt completely agree with what was happening, but I also was at odds about what to do. If I would have called Steve and Heather, I dont think they would have answered the phone, knowing it was me. I also dont think they would have believed me.

I also want to explain that this was NOT my idea. I didnt invent the plan, but I did participate, and I am guilty of participation, and failing to do my "duty to warn".

@ Heather and Steve - I am sorry for hurting you, but I was also unsure of what to do. Also, Steve, Friday night Toni took the phone from me and hung up on you, that was NOT me. You can call me if you wish and we can discuss the matter.

Why do I feel this way? Because I feel the EXACT SAME WAY Heather does right now. Another incident happened over the weekend that put me in the same shoes as Heather. I understand now why she feels the way she does, and I will explain the incident now:

We had the first SLA tournament yesterday, and I was informed 3 weeks ago I couldnt play, by a guy named Eric Kilgore. He said I was too advanced. Yesterday, I came out to the field only to find out that he put in several rookie/novice teams (trust me, they were amateur, they were at either the same skill level as me or better). Basically, I was lied to, and I was made to feel like a fool. The whole reason behind me not playing was so that one of this guy's teams would win. He was afraid I would knock them outta the competition. It didnt work, we still won. I feel bad that someone went to such great lengths to deceive me. Now granted, this isnt the EXACT same situation, but it had the same premise, and the same effect.

@ Heather - I am truly sorry for my participation. I feel bad and I can understand why you feel the same way I do. I am sorry.

this past weekend

2005-04-11T19:49:00.000-07:00

This past weekend was Glen's birthday, so I came home. His birthday was Friday, so I came home Thursday (I have no classes on Friday) and I worked with him. We fixed a leak in a roof on Friday. Then I came home and went to bed cause I had to get up early Saturday morning.

Satuday morning I arrived at the paintball field around 5:45 AM. A couple of the Greifers (me included) went up to McLean IL for a big pump day event. McLean is 2.5 hrs away, about 1/2 way between St Louis and Chicago. We had alot of fun, and I got to test the new prototypes of the total greif signature series stockgun. Those things rock. I cant wait to get one. Saturday was fun, because some of the best pump players in the world showed up and I schooled quite a few of them (taugh taugh). Sal told me "Beaver, you're shooting the piss out of some of the best pump players in the world, and you DON'T wanna move up to amateur?" I guess if I (who hardly ever plays with a pumpgun anymore) can school people who hacve been playing with pumps for the better part of 20 years (I beat them at their own game) then I guess I am doing something right.

After we got home, I went over to Ambers. The problem was that I had been up for the better part of 16 hours and I was having trouble staying awake. I dont think I should ever try to go out at night again if I have been up since 5 AM.

Sunday was uneventful. I went to the field and hung out, played some more paintball, and shot people.

My birthday is 10 days away. I am gonna be 26......God I am old

I got so fucking screwed

2005-04-05T15:29:00.000-07:00

OK we have a tournament series starting on April 24, about 2 and a half weeks from now. Here is the story of why I cannot play. Basically, I am amateur, and this tournament series is rookie/novice. I emailed the guy who is running the series about a month ago asking if I could play. I asked him on the forum boards, emails, I called his store and I never got a response. On Sunday, I woke up at 5:45 AM, drove all the way back into st louis (from cape) only to find out as soon as I arrive at the field that I am too advanced and cannot play.

I really dont care that Im too advanced to play. To tell you the truth, I can understand why they would say that and why I would be cut from playing the series. However, I am pissed for 2 reasons:

#1) The money for the tournament series is being payed from the team treasury. We have alot of money in the treasury. The reason we have alot of money in the team treasury is because I organized and advertised a tournament so that we could put the $$$$ directly into the team treasury. The money was supposed to go towards the team playing in this tournament series. Basically, the money is coming from MY hard work and dedication, and I dont get to play in the tournaments and reap the rewards.

#2) If I cannot play in the series, its kinda common courtesy to tell me up front instead of ignoring me. I cant play, tell me no UP FRONT on the forums before I make a 120 mile trip (one way) to attend tryouts. Dont be a chickenshit, fucking tell me! If I had known that I was too advanced to play, I would NOT have made the long trip. I woulda stayed in cape.

Let me clarify one thing: I am not mad at the team. Its not their fault that I am too advanced to play in this series. They cant help it that I have been playing too long. I am mad at the situation, because I feel cheated, and I feel like all the hard work I did working and advertising our teams fundraiser was all for nothing. I am mad at the guy who hid behind the computer and wouldnt respond to me. It is childish and immature. However, I am highly debating whether or not I want to remain a part of the team.

What do you all think?

power and dominance versus immaturity

2005-03-27T08:38:00.000-08:00

Y'know, I really hate it when people believe they possess power over others just because they are bigger and stronger than another person. Size and strength do NOT constitute power. Also, choking another person (who did NOTHING to provoke the attack) is also unacceptable. Case in point, Friday night. It was an A-B conversation between me and another person, and a third person decides to get involved and begins choking me (and I mean it, I COULDNT FUCKING BREATHE GODDAMNIT). I could have called the cops on that person. I could have pressed charges. However, I did the mature thing and removed myself from the situation. I feel I handled it well, even if it meant leaving someone behind without a ride. I also did not call the cops out of respect for Scott, because it is his place and I didnt want to cause a scene because somebody is immature and cant control their childish behavior and anger. This is acceptable for a 12 or 13 year old, but not for an adult. However, I could have done it, I was within my rights. I could have pressed charges for assault, which I will do should this ever happen again.

Yes, being bigger and stronger than another person is a definite advantage. I wish I were bigger and stronger than I am, but I'm not. However, just because someone is bigger and stronger than me does not indicate he is in a position of higher authority. Trying to demonstrate your position of power by choking someone doesnt indicate how powerful and strong you are. It demonstrates how immature you are. Thats all violence proves, is immaturity. I dont want any one of my friends to EVER think they can demonstrate their "power" over me by using violent means. It wont make me think anymore highly of you. In fact, resorting to violence will only show how immature you are and make me think less of you.

I just wanted to post this so people could understand how I felt and why I left in such a huff friday night.

An unproductive day and paintball sponsorships

2005-03-23T14:23:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I went out and had a few drinks, knowing I wouldnt have class today (I never have class on Monday Wednesday or Friday). I didnt get drunk last night, but I didnt have a whole lot to eat yesterday either, just a #1 from Micky D's and 4 chocolate chip pop tarts. I guess that the lack of food, let alone eating 4 pop tarts, contributed to the headache I had when i woke up this morning. Yes, I know drinking with hardly any food in your stomach is also not good. Anyhow, today I didnt wake up till 3:30 PM (about an hour ago). I woke up at 12:30, took my medicine and went back to bed. What a productive day this has been.

I am still trying to decide whether or not I want to continue being on the team. Yes, we are sponsored, and I appreciate that. However, I dont like it that our sponsorship continually changes. Like we are getting a sponsorship with a company that makes paintball guns, so now I am expected to shell out money ( a handsome sum) for a paintball gun, when I already have several others that work well. And we are also getting a goggle sponsorship, so now I have to shell out money for goggles. I already have about 8 pairs of goggles, and I cant use any of them because we are no longer sponsored through those companies. I thought joining a team and being sponsored was supposed to LOWER the cost of paintball, not raise it. Now I know what you guys are thinking, "Beaver, sell your old gear to get the new gear". Well, I would, if it hadnt been bought at a team price. Since I bought the gear when we were sponsored thru them, I am required to either keep it or give it back, and since I spent the dough on it, I want to keep it. Basically, this is what it boils down to: You have to buy this gear because we are sponsored thru this company and if our sponsorship changes, you wasted your money!

Fucking unreal

Take this seriously....

2005-03-14T22:19:00.000-08:00

OK I am posting now because there are some things that need to be said. Everything thats said in this post should be taken with the utmost sincerity. Andrea has said some shit in her blog and then posted a retraction a day later. LET ME SAY THAT I WILL POST NO RETRACTIONS because nothing I say in this post is out of line (IMO) if you feel that something I say in this blog is offensive, you have the choice to click off right now. You have been warned......

I think that if people want to start shit with others, then they better be prepared to have the shit retuned to them in spades. If they want to insult others, and push their buttons, then they should prepare for the fact that others might push their buttons, and harder.

It has come to my attention that I said some things that were out of line, and maybe it was wrong of me to do so. I said some things that were uncalled for, and I am wrong in dong so. Shit happens. However, there was alot of shit that drove me to do what I did. The person in this particular arguement said I resorted to "low blows" cause I attacked his wife. With all the shit he has said, I say he resorted to low blows also. If his arguement is that "I am taking this stance because it was said" then he should prepare for the fact that others will also take this stance and base their anger on the same thing, whether he said it jokingly or not.

You have called girls guys, called their boyfreinds catholic priests and said they like to rape little boys, and even so much as threatened to make fun of tragedies in their lives . Let me reitertate. YOUR JOKES ARE NOT FUNNY. You are a sick sick human being. You throw stones yet live in a glass house. Calling it "satire" does not excuse it neither. This person needs to realize that what he says may be taken seriously whether he means it or not. A joke isnt a joke if it hurts someone, and he hurt me aplenty. So dont be so upset when someone does it to you. You start shit with people, you better be prepared to have the shit thrown back in your face, and then some.

I hope this provides a clearer explanation for everyone who "hates me".

Let the ass jumping begin

Beaver

procrastination

2005-03-09T19:56:00.000-08:00

Why do I procrastinate so much? I really dont know why I do, but I do. It's something I wish I could change about myself, but for some reason I dont. Case in point, a paper I have to write thats due at 8 AM. Well, its only gotta be 2 paragraphs, but at the same time I had all day to write it, I just didnt. I read in one of my psychology textbooks that people procrastinate in schoolwork out of fear. For example, they are afraid to get a bad grade, so if they procrastinate and do work at the last minute, their excuse is "well I did it at the last minute". I guess that kinda makes sense. Just so you know, I havent even started the paper yet, and here I am writing in my blog and talking to Question. I guess part of it is that spring break starts tomorrow, and thats all Im thinking about. I guess I shouldnt be too excited, cause all Im gonna be doing is working with Glenn (blech I hate construction). I really wanted to go to Florida for this Spring Break. All my friends are. Well ok maybe not go somewhere, but I would rather spend my spring break relaxing or having fun than working in a job I hate (I fucking loathe working for my stepfather, I have been doing it since I was 13).

Come to think of it, why the fuck am I so excited about Spring Break?

some more tidbits

2005-02-28T08:43:00.000-08:00

Well, I havent updated my blog in about 2 weeks. I should have, but I dont know why I didnt.

For valentines day, my mom got me a monkey. A hairless monkey named Cinder. She went to the zoo and adopted it in my name. So Im a zoo parent now. What that means is.....I dont know exactly, except that Im a zoo daddy to a hairless monkey named Cinder. Apparently she was born with hair but had some disease that caused her to lose all of her hair (not its not fatal).

We had a tournament last weekend (Feb 20) and we had 19 teams show up. My teammate Eric and I organized the entire tournament from scratch. We planned it, promoted it, advertised it, contacted sponsors for prizes, we did the entire thing. 19 teams isnt too bad for only 2 people doing all the legwork. Yes, the Greifers helped ref it, but Eric and I did all the "behind the scenes work". (Sorry, just had to pat myself on the back for that one, hey wtf? I deserved it)

I went to the ear doctor friday afternoon. I found out Im all better and I have completely recovered from the surgery. No more cotton balls in my ears, ear plugs, etc. I am DONE! GO ME!

So much for all that bad weather we were supposed to have this weekend. It was a fairly nice weekend and I got to play paintball both days. I won a 1 on 1 against Sal on Saturday. I am happy.

Corey beat cancer? Yes its true folks. He beat it and doesnt have to go through chemo. Congratulations Corey. Nothing can stop the Juggernaut. He quit smoking also, I never thought he would give up his nicotine.

I think thats about all, so Im done.

when it rains, it pours, but the sun is finally shining

2005-02-16T12:09:00.000-08:00

I think my 2 shit weeks are over *crosses fingers*. My mom told me today that yesterday my stepdad moved back in. They are talking, and the whole "divorce talk" is over. They arent getting divorced. Thank goodness.

The zoning meeting for the field was yesterday, and I dont know exactly how that went, but I will find out from one of my teammates tonight. I hope Sal is in a better mood now, and doesnt go off yelling at me for something other people do.

@ Sal-- Place the blame where it belongs buddy

Theres supposed to be a new indoor paintball field opening in Bethalto. Its supposed to open like this weekend. I may have to check it out soon.

I dont know what I am doing this weekend yet. I will find something to do.

Im just thankful that my parents are better now, and I hope that all the shit I've been going through the last few weeks are finally over.

Oh yes one more thing, I am going to Corey's fundraiser, I decided that. I am bringing some of my college buddies also, all I had to do was tell tehm Corey's situation, and they said they wanted to help also.

Beaver is out

several things to discuss

2005-02-13T19:38:00.000-08:00

I have decided that my whole "fuck you attitude" wasnt exactly the right approach to take.

@ Question Yes, you helped me realize that this attitude was wrong. You were right and I was wrong

@ Quill you also helped me realize the same thing. I was wrong and you were right (hey at least I admitted it)

That being said, I have decided to buy a notebook and that way I can post my REAL feelings when Im mad. In this notebook, I am going to be as derogatory as I feel, and I wont hold back anything in order to not appear to be an asshole. If my notebook thinks Im an asshole it can go nix itself.

Yesterday at the field, Sal got mad and went off on me (yes again, and no I didnt do anything to warrant it. He got mad cause he lost the deal on a piece of property to move the new field to) He told me that I am the team captain, and I had to motivate the kids and make them sign up for monthly workdates, then he told me that he was pulling our field sponsorship. He said nobody is allowed to play for free. It didnt matter if we had already worked this month or not, we have to pay for entry and air now. After talking to the kids, I went up to pay my entry for the day, and Sal got mad at me AGAIN because I tried to obey the new rule and pay. Damned if I do and damned if I dont. He was yelling at me every 10-15 minutes. Y'know, I went to the field to play and get rid of some stress, and instead I get more stress added on.

I went to the hospital to visit Corey tonight. He is ALOT better. He's up and walking around now, and he is off the catheter and the needles out of his nose. He is eating jello also. I hope he gets better soon.

everything keeps disappearing

2005-02-07T17:46:00.000-08:00

Well, I guess I spoke too soon when I said everything was going my way. As it turns out, everything is taking a turn for the worst right now. First off, I am no longer friends with Quill or Heather (thats a good thing IMO) nor am I friends with Corey at the moment (mixed feelings about that one). Everything else that is disappearing is something I want to stay. The field is closing (possibly) and my mom and stepdad are getting a divorce (possibly). My mom explained that she doesnt like Glen's temper, and she doesnt like his workaholism. Congrats mom, you finally figured out that Glen's a workaholic. I've known that for the last 12 years. I told her I dont want them divorcing, I like my family. She countered that with the whole "is it worth being with someone if they make you miserable?" tactic. Good tactic. In light of recent events, I had to agree with her. However, if they do decide to go ahead and get a divorce, I am leaving St Louis, and moving somewhere where nobody knows me. I had alot, and it all disappeared. If I live somewhere that offers nothing, I get nothing, and therefore I can lose nothing. I dont agree with my mom's decision, but if thats what she wants to do, I guess there is really nothing I can do to stop her. I guess the reason I am so upset right now is cause I never saw this coming. I never thought her and Glen would divorce, and to have it happen now, when I am 26 years old (almost) just kinda shocked me.

I am hitting the bottle hard tonight

are we closing, Boogeyman?

2005-02-06T15:52:00.000-08:00

As it turns out, Xtreme may not be closing after all. We are on the prowl for some new land, hopefully we can find some and buy some before the lease expires. That would be so awesome.

I saw Boogeyman with some of my friends last night. I think that had there not been a bunch of teenagers in there screaming, the movie would've been ALOT better.

Ahhhh.............in the last 48 hours everything seems to be going my way. Beaver is happy :-D

R.I.P. Xtreme Paintball Park

2005-02-05T01:59:00.000-08:00

Well its official. Come September1 2005 Xtreme Paintball Park will be no more. Our lease is up at the current location, and we wanted to move, but the new neighbors dont want us there. This week we got served with a cease and desist order, we cannot serve any food to the customers, not even a single bottle of water. Fucking neighbors, I hate them all. I just wanna firebomb the shit out of something right now.

Looking back, the fact that we will soon be without the field makes me sad. I mean, everything happened there (for me at least). The first time I ever played paintball, the first team I ever got on (SCUM), the first tournament I ever played, the first tournament I ever reffed, the countless friends and brothers I have made, and the countless days of fun I have had at that location. It was kinda like my own place to go where I could get away from everything. Now it shall be no more. Some of my teammates have told me "cheer up, we will figure something out, the team will be ok".

The team will be ok, I dont know if I will.

Even if we do befriend another field, it just wont be the same. Think of it this way: My cat dies, and I get another cat. The fact that I have a new cat doesnt take away the feelings I had toward the old one, or how I felt when it died.

I dont think anyone even understands why I feel so bad. The team says everything will be ok, we will find somewhere to play. But its not the fact that we wont have a place to play thats maing me feel sad. Its the countless memories I have playing that makes me sad.
Its tearing me up to write about this. I admit it, this ordeal has taken a huge toll on me.

I hate the neighbors at the new location, I would love to firebomb their houses right about now.
All that work and labor I put into helping the field out, and now theres nothing I can do to save it.

Sorry for bitching, I will stop now.

more updates

2005-02-04T08:47:00.000-08:00

Well I took my first test on Tuesday, and I got a 91 on it. Wow................exciting

This is my last semester in college. I dont feel like doing any homework, reading any of my textbooks, nothing. I am officially sick of school. I just want out. Even the fact that its my last semester doesnt cheer me up a whole lot, because I just want it to be over. I took a light load this semester, all easy classes and they are all on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and I thought this semester would just be one where I would fuck around. I havent done a whole lot of fucking around. Also, this weather has got me bummed. I hate cold weather.

Now for some positive news.

Yeah right.

time to spare

2005-02-01T08:12:00.000-08:00

Well I got some time to spare, seeing as how I had a test in my last class and got done early, next class isnt for another 45 minutes. I had a test and a paper due today, 15 minutes apart! Arent I lucky? I'm not? I didnt think so either, considering I was up till 3 AM last night and had class at 8 AM this morning. *yawn*

I have decided to start eating breakfast from now on. This past weekend I went to Schnucks to get some chocolate fudge pop tarts. They fucking rock. I had 2 this morning and so far no growling stomach. Go me!

Last night I took apart one of my paintball guns to change the battery on it. This gun sucks as far as battery changing. You have to take off the grips, then take apart the frame., then take off the air adapter, slide the mounting rail off, then (and only then) will the frame come off the gun, allowing you to remove the battery. It takes 1/2 an hour each way. (1/2 hour to take the gun apart, 1/2 hour to put it back together) This gun is said to be one of the most "simple guns to maintain" according to the manufacturer (Evil Paintball Supplies) Yeah right, did you have to put the battery in such an inconvenient spot? If I were to ever use this gun in a tournament, I would bring 2 or 3 backup guns, for the battery reason alone. Oh well, this company is one of our sponsors, so I guess I shouldnt be badmouthing them.

Thats about all.

my answers

2005-01-31T13:37:00.000-08:00

(x) snuck out of the house
(x) gotten lost in your city/state
() saw a shooting star
(x) been to any other countries besides the unitedstates
(x) had surgery
() gone out in public in your pajamas
( ) kissed a stranger
( ) hugged a stranger
() been in a fist fight
( ) been arrested
( x) done drugs
(x) had alcohol
() laughed and had milk/coke come out of your nose
() pushed all the buttons on an elevator
() made out in an elevator
(x) swore at your parents
(x) kicked a guy where it hurts.
(x) been in love
(x) been close to love
(x) been to a casino
( ) been skydiving
() broken a bone
(x) been high
() skinny-dipped
(x) skipped school
(x) flashed someone
(x) saw a therapist
( ) done the splits
( ) played spin the bottle
(x) gotten stitches
(x) had an IV
( ) drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour
(x) bitten someone
() been to Niagara Falls
(x) gotten the chicken pox
(x) kissed a member of the opposite sex
(x) kissed a member of the same sex
( x) crashed into a friend's car
( ) been to Japan
(x) ridden in a taxi
() been dumped
(x) shoplifted
() been fired
( ) ever had a crush on someone of the same sex
(x) had feelings for someone who didnt have them back
(x) stole something from your job
() gone on a blind date
(x) lied to a friend
(x) had a crush on a teacher (Mrs Clawwitter hell yeah)
( ) celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans
( x) been to Europe
( ) slept with a co-worker
() been married
( ) gotten divorced
( ) had children
( ) saw someone die
( ) been to Africa
() Driven over 400 miles in one day
() Been to Canada
( x) Been to Mexico
(x) Been on a plane
() Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
(x) Thrown up in a bar
( ) Purposely set a part of yourself on fire
(x) Eaten Sushi
( ) Been snowboarding
(x) Met someone in person from the internet (paintball players when I went to Chicago)
(x) Been moshing at a rock show
( ) Been to a moto cross show
( ) lost a child
(x) gone to college
() graduated college (almost but no)
( ) done hard drugs
(x) taken painkillers
(x) love someone or miss someone right now
( ) Threw up on a roller coaster
(x) Bored?

Total Greif scapegoat

2005-01-30T13:28:00.000-08:00

It has recently come to my attention that some of my teammates have been shit-talking about me. The final straw came this weekend when the team asked me to come into town to help out with some work around the field, which I did not do because of various circumstances. Because I didnt show up to help, one of my teammates told me that some of the others were talking shit about me and it sparked a huge controversy.

THIS WEEKEND

I would have shown up to help, I really would have, but I couldnt. I have a test and a paper due on Tuesday, and therefore I decided it was in my best interest to stay in Cape this weekend. In addition to that, they called me at 8 PM friday night, telling me to come to the field. Thats a little bit of short notice. Also, I heard that the weather was supposed to be really crappy this weekend, and I didnt want to risk getting in a car accident. Its not that I dont care about the team or the field, its that my schedule and the short notice and the weather wouldnt allow me to make it into town. Period.

NOT CARING ABOUT THE TEAM

This is a completely bullshit theory. Some of the people on the team believe that because I dont show up as often, I dont care about the team. I'm sorry, but I have taken more and more shit from the team ever since I became the team captain. Being team captain does NOT mean team shit-taker, and I refuse to allow it to continue. I love the team, everyone on that team is like a family member to me. But this bullshit is going way too far. I do care about the team. If I didnt, would I have fought Sal tooth and nail about the recent upcoming tournament? Heres what happened here: We are having a team fundraiser, and Sal asked me to advertise the hell out of the tournament so that we could have a bunch of teams show up. We advertised that prizes would be awarded. After I advertised the tournament, Sal wanted to renig and say that we should award no prizes, since it was to be a team fundraiser, and if we awarded prizes, we would have to pay for them, and that means less money for the team. I fought with Sal about this, because I knew if we did it Sal's way, and awarded no prizes after we had advertised it, then it would make the team look bad, and our reputation would be soiled. Therefore, I spent an hour on the phone with Sal talking about why it was a bad idea to do it his way. I eventually convinced him. If I didnt care about the team, would I have argued on the phone with Sal for an hour?

WHY I REFUSE TO HELP OUT

Ok let me first start this one off by saying that I do my monthly team duties. Once a month we are required to help out around the field for an entire day, and I fulfill this requirement. Beyond that, I refuse to help out. Here is why: One day we decided to play a tournament series, and Sal picked the team based upon who his favorites were. I was cut, and when some of the team voiced their opinions on how unfair the team was picked, and they wanted me to play, Sal went ballistic. He yelled at me in front of everyone, threw a huge temper tantrum, and belittled me in front of everyone on the team. Let me tell you this right now, I was biting my tongue HARD to keep from going off on Sal. I wanted to really let him have it that day, and I wanted to belittle him like he did to me. But I kept my mouth shut (and believe me, it took a lot of will power to do this) but I went against my instincts and went with my better judgement. This incident is done and in the past, and I have moved on. However, I feel that because of what Sal did, I will only do the bare minimum. I will do my monthly team duties, no problem. Beyond that, I will not lift a finger to help out around the field, because I feel (very strongly) that Sal was wrong. I feel that I used to help out ALOT around the field. When Sal yelled at me, I decided not to do this anymore, because basically Sal "bit the hand that fed him".

I admit, being the team captain is not an easy task, and I try my best. However, I am the team captain. I refuse to let anyone walk all over me, belittle me, or talk shit about me. If you guys dont want me on the team anymore, go ahead and kick me off. But dont expect me to keep on taking this shit, because the next time I hear this sort of thing happened, I WILL start a confrontation, and there will be no more biting my tongue to maintain harmony within the team.

Sorry you guys had to sit through all that, I feel better now. :-D

I havent updated in awhile, so I guess I will now

2005-01-21T08:01:00.000-08:00

Well I am back at school now, and back in the miserable town known as Cape Girardeau. Oh well, its only one more semester.

I talked to Sal and told him that the 2 tournaments were in the same weekend, and so the local tournament got moved to the following weekend. That means I can play both tournaments now. However, there is another tournament scheduled for the same weekend. Sometimes Sal just doesnt get the hint. Last year, I won that particular tournament, so this year I really dont care if I play it or not. Chicago, here I come!!! I probably would have gone to Chicago regardless, because I want to play that tournament most of all.

Speaking of paintball, I finally beat the Greg Hastings tournament paintball game last night. (@ Dante Have you beaten it yet?) I played it for 7 hours straight last night. I started a rookie team from scratch and played it and played it until I beat the game. I won the Tokyo Japan tournament, and beat the 1st place team in like 45 seconds. (3 games, and none lasted over 15 seconds before I went to get the flag)

This weather really bites. I hate cold dreary days. They just put me in a bad mood. I mean, I love warm days. When its warm out, the sun is shining, the birds are singing, the flowers are blooming, and I like it when the weather is warm. I like it when it snows also, but not when it snows so bad that theres snow on the ground for a 2 month period like 2 years ago. I also dont like it when its cold enough to snow, but it doesnt. OK I guess I contradicted myself there. I dont like snow after all. So sue me.

I havent played an actual game of paintball in 2 weeks. I NEED to play. Go away cold weather, and dont ever come back. Warm up so I can dust off my gear and shoot some people (i.e. Froggy baby Quill)

going pro

2005-01-10T19:10:00.000-08:00

OK so a few of my paintball teammates have decided to go pro. No, they cannot go pro just like that *snaps fingers* but they are going to chicago to play the rookie division of a national level tournament in hopes that they can compete, do well, and move up through the ranks. (in paintball, it goes rookie novice amateur pro) The other day, the team president told me that locally I am at the amateur level. I may be amateur locally, but nationally I am a rookie. What that means is that it doesnt matter how many tournaments I have competed in before. In this tournament series I have not competed, and therefore I can play rookie even though I have alot more experience than a rookie. Will I play this tournament? I havent decided yet. That same weekend is another local tournament, (the 2nd tournament of 4) and there is a nice prize package if we win this series. Either way, I am playing a tournament the last weekend of June. Personally, moving up through the ranks and making it to the professional level where I am looked up to is exciting, yet scary. I know for a fact that its gonna take a lot of time, effort and dedication to paintball if I want to prove I have what it takes to wrangle with the pros. So I am excited, but also kinda scared. I dont know what to do. HELP! At any rate, I better practice long and hard (shut up you sick perverts) if I want to become a good player. I want everyones opinions.
A) go to Chicago and try to win a 10 man tournament
B) Stay in St Louis and try to win an airball field

Yes this is the choices game, I need help.

GUYS NIGHT TOMORROW

2005-01-07T17:09:00.000-08:00

OK so tomorrow is the big night. Drinking and good times will be had by all. I will have a good time, and I am getting shitfaced. 10 beers at growlers will be nothing compared to how much I plan to drink tomorrow night. I am debating whether or not to play paintball tomorrow. I have to go the field and return a paintball DVD to one of my teammates. I may stick around and play some ball, but I will leave by noon. (Hey I gotta hang out with Becca a little bit, and get a few hugs from her)

I cant wait till tomorrow night. I'm gonna be so drunk it'll take me a month to recover from the hangover.

Belated Happy New Year

2005-01-02T18:23:00.000-08:00

My New Year was awesome. I got drunk at Hizzy's then I went to play paintball the next day. Meramac Challenge Paintball (its located right off Meramac Bottom Road) had a deal where you could play all day and get free air all day if you brought canned food for their charity event. I played between 20-30 games yesterday.

My Christmas list (the stuff I got)

A pair of jeans
Another pair of jeans
$30 Best Buy gift certificate
X-box Game Console with 2 games (Tennis and Football)
Video game (Greg Hastings Tournament Paintball)
DVD (Collateral)
$50 Best Buy gift certificate

I made out pretty well. Nowhere near as well as Quilly boy.

@ Quill Im joining the Province family so I can get alot of stuff for Christmas next year. Start saving your pennies big brother :-D

Merry Christmas

2004-12-25T08:24:00.000-08:00

Just wanted to wish everyone a Merry Christmas. Right now I'm waiting for my sister and her bf to come over, and we will open presents. Later on we are gonna meet up w/ my stepbro and my sister-in-law and see the Movie "Meet the Fockers". Hopefully I can hook up with Hizzy and Nix tonight.

I met Francesca a few days ago, she's a nice girl.

My ears feel alot better, although I am still dizzy and my equilibrium is still off.

Anyway, gonna jet for now, but I wanna say Merry Christmas to everyone and I love you all.

feeling a little better today

2004-12-22T21:04:00.000-08:00

My ears dont hurt quite as bad, and my fever that I had last night is gone. The doctor gave me a bunch of instructions, and one of the things that it said was that I was supposed to catch a fever shortly after the surgery, its a normal reaction for the type of surgery I had. My fever came and went, its gone. Left me feeling somewhat weak. I didnt do alot today. Pretty much all I did was go to the paintball shop, bough 3 dvd's came home and watched 2 of them. I wouldve watched the 3rd but I fell asleep shortly after Quill called me and woke up at some point before I went to Hizzys. I wanna get together with Quill and Spawn, I still havent seen them since I got home. The only people I have seen thus far are Erich, Toni, Jae, Hizzy and Nix. I wanna see some more people. Anyways, off to bed for now.

ear surgery and grades

2004-12-21T19:39:00.000-08:00

I had ear surgery yesterday. They took the tubes out of my ears and put a skin graft in both of my ears. I finally took the bandaids and cottonballs out tonight. I can hear a little better, but the doctor said it will take about a month for it to heal completely. Im still on painkillers, and there are alot of rules I have to follow, such as no lifting heavy objects, and I cant get water in my ears, meaning I cant take a shower. Im prob getting a haircut tomorrow and gettin it all shaved off so I dont have to worry about washing my hair. Hey doctor, can I fart, or would that pop my eardrums too?
@ Hizzy congrats on your 4.0 GPA. My grades were ok, I got a 2.8, an A 2 B's and 2 C's. Classes were hard, so the fact that I passed them and dont have to retake them is a good thing. One of my teachers was a stanford graduate, and made sure to make the class really tough (he is the only one that teaches that class). So the fact that I got a C in that class and dont have to retake it makes me smile. TAUGH TAUGH DOCTOR ATWOOD

Christmas Miracles Really DO Happen or How the Beaver Ruined Christmas

2004-12-17T20:37:00.000-08:00

Both of these titles sound appropriate. Heres what happened.

Twas the week before Christmas and Beaver wanted an xbox. His mother said that she couldnt find one and asked him to search some stores down in Cape where he went to school. He searched high and low in Cape, but couldnt find the xbox he was seeking. He decided to wait till he came home for the semester before continuing his search.
The day after he got home he resumed his searching, and went to Best Buy. There, he bought Greg Hastings Tournament Paintall for xbox, since it was on sale for $20 (instead of $50) They were sold out of xoboxes, so he went to the mall. Gamestop, Sam Goody and Electronics Boutique were also sold out. Electronics Boutique had some xboxes but they were all factory-refurbished. The poor little Beaver was saddened, and he thought he wouldnt have a gift to open christmas morning. He decided to continue his quest, and went to Toys R Us off Lindbergh (near Watson).
At that particular Toys R Us they had one xbox left, and Beaver bought it. A mother was looking for an xbox for her child, but Beaver took the last one.

Christmas miracles really do happen, and I also ruined some little kid's Christmas by buying the last xbox. I guess I got a Christmas miracle, and I pissed some little kid off because he wont have an xbox to open on Christmas day. Taugh taugh little kid.

depression

2004-12-14T09:21:00.000-08:00

Depression is a psychological disorder that IS truly a psychological disorder. It is listed in the DSM-IV (the diagnostics statistics manual 4th edition, for those of you who dont know), and yes, I have been tested for it, and I DO have it. Its symptoms include loss of pleasure in activities once enjoyed, decrease in appetite, increase in sleep, there are some other symptoms, but I cannot remember them off hand. Its true, I suffer from depression, and sometimes it causes me to think the worst about people. I think part of the reason I am depressed is because of my heart defect. Back when I was younger, I was restricted from so many activities, such as sports, playing outside when it was too hot, and other things. I was constantly told that I couldnt do various activities because there was too much physical demand involved. Nobody can understand this, because nobody has been through the same things I have been through, and nobody understands why I feel the way I do. But I will try to explain it. Naturally, when you grow up and you are told by everyone that you cannot participate in different activities, you start to feel bad. For example, when I was growing up and all of my friends participated in sports, I couldnt. It gave me a sense of worthlessness, which has never really gone away. I have been hiding this from the group, but now you all know. I have depression, and thats why I act the way I do sometimes. Why dont I get medical treatment for it? I cant, thats why. You have to have health insurance to visit a doctor, and I cant get it because of my heart defect, so I cant get treatment for it. I used to be able to when I was on my parents health insurance, but I cant now, cause I reached the age where I have to be on my own health insurance, and I cant get it because I HAVE A FUCKING HEART DEFECT! I didnt ask to be born with it. Hell, I wish I hadnt been born with it. I wish I had been born the healthiest fucking baby in the world, but I wasnt. I am what I am. Goddamnit, now I bet some people are gonna say, "Beaver, you can be happy if you want to, you can pull yourself out of it." But I cant, I have tried many times to do so and have always been unsuccessful. Its a psychological disorder, you cant make it go away just because you want it to, kinda like how a guy in a wheelchair cant get up and start walking just because he wants to.

@ Quill I am sorry about the fight. Frankly, the way I see it now, if the group is hanging out, and Heather happens to be there, I will say hi to her but nothing more. I admit that some of what I said was wrong, but I made the effort to apologize, and there is nothing more I can do.

why am I up at 2 AM?

2004-12-10T01:11:00.000-08:00

Because I have a term paper due in about 11 hours. Just got finished. This is seriously the last paper I have to write (at least this semester). So, save for a test tomorrow, and finals, I weathered thru yet another semester here at SEMO. I swear, when I get home next week, I am gonna dedicate some major time to paintball. I have to, this school shit has got me stressed out.

I have an ear infection I think. I cant hardly hear outta my right ear. I did clean it out, and no luck. Im getting the tubes taken out of my ears Dec 20 hopefully that will help.

Oh yeah, 1 more thing before I staple my paper and walk across campus to go to bed: I woulda started my paper earlier today, but then I checked paintball.com this morning and found out that paintball was gonna be on ESPN2 at 4, so I decided to watch that instead of starting my paper earlier. Bad irresponsible Beaver

I might go home, but I doubt Im gonna go to bed. I slept 3 hours last night, and I'm afraid if I do go to bed, I will sleep thru school tomorrow. Better idea right now is stay up so I dont miss classes tomorrow. I got some mountain dew to help me with that

I'm out *yawn*

I really need to update more often

2004-12-08T14:22:00.000-08:00

Like it says, I should update more often. Heres why I havent updated in awhile. Last week I had a test and a presentation to give. This week I have 2 tests (both in the same class) and 2 papers due. At this point I have 1 more paper to write, as well as another test (both due friday)

I cant wait till New Year. It amazes me how babyish some people can be. Because the majority of people dont like dance music, 2 people (whom shall remain nameless) wont show. Everyday the story changes also. First of all, it was wanting to go to a club where the music was more dance oriented. Now its wanting to play board games and hang with family. Kinda leads me to believe that the story is all hogwash.

This person also said that they couldnt donate money to help a friend with cancer because they were saving money for a house in 2006. Then he said his wife wont let him donate money cause the cancer victim has lost too many jobs. Now he's saying he will donate money. Then he goes on the web board and gloats that he was the first to call the cancer victim after surgery. I meant to call him (the cancer victim) yesterday, I honestly did. But I also felt that maybe he was sick or tired and wanted to be left alone. So I decided to call him later on tonight (and I still plan to do so) Now this "friend" (and I use the term loosely) says that he was the first to call, and jumps on our backs. Well fuck you. Have fun in the house you will be living in. You're gonna be there an awfully long time. But I have heard from reliabel sources what the real truth is, and dont try to say that you said it cause your wife was sitting right next to you. If that were me, I woulda said it anyway, dont matter how much she freaks out about money. But knowing this person, he's just using his wife as an excuse because he doesnt wanna look like the bad guy. But I can read between the lines (or the lies I mean)

Thats about all, have a wonderful Beavery day

Beaver

ahhhhhh thanksgiving break

2004-11-28T18:59:00.000-08:00

For the first time since going away to SEMO, I had an enjoyable Thanksgiving break, with no obligations which had to be fulfilled. 2 years ago on Friday my grandmother died. I had to spend that thanksgiving break in a funeral home. Last year I had a paper to write because my queer-ass groupmates decided to skip out and start thanksgiving break early, leaving me to write the entire paper.

This thanksgiving break was different. I do have a paper due this thursday, 12-15 pages over the rise of democracy in spain in the 1970's. Didnt even want to think about it over break, because I wanted to enjoy myself.

Tuesday: Came home, went to tequila's with friends, then to karaoke. Sang Asshole (as usual)

Wednesday: met Erich for lunch at Growlers, then later on that night we went to Joes for movie-watching. I stayed awake during both movies. Rather surprising.

Thursday: Food, and lots of it. I ate 2 big dinners. YUM YUM

Friday: Went to the field, hung out with Becca. Later on that night I went to one of my teammates houses. Theres a new game out for xbox called Greg Hastings tournament paintball. I got to play it, and I sucked at it. I want an xbox and that video game for christmas.

Saturday: Went to the field and reffed. Came home and went to the Hizz's apt. Fell asleep during a movie (as usual)

Sunday: Went back to the field and put in some playing time with my new freestyle paintball gun (the silver one) I had a pretty decent day for not playing in a month. I thought I would be rusty. Guess not. Damn I love paintball, especially if I havent played in a month. It gets out some much needed adrenaline.

Anyhow, I got a paper due thursday, and a presentation to give on friday, so its back to the grind time for me. And the 3-4 days I will spend awake writing a paper was well worth the time I spent enjoying myself over thanksgiving break.

FINALLY

2004-11-19T13:50:00.000-08:00

Finally the week is over. Friday afternoon = good times. Quill comes to Cape and we party. I have a fucking test monday :-P which sucks.

My term paper is done. I finished it wednesday night then went out for a few drinks. Yesterday I did nothing homework wise. Absolutely nothing.

I cant wait till thanksgiving break starts. I need that time away from the lovely town known as Cape Girardeau

It just occurred to me that this will be my 3rd weekend in a row down here. I also realized I havent played paintball all month. Oh well, thanksgiving break will change that.

If the weather sucks this bad down here, I wonder what its like for Nix and Spawn up north.

Im hungry. Time to go to hardees

FUCK

2004-11-16T15:45:00.000-08:00

Fuck me. I hate this bull fucking shit. I have a 10 page paper due on thursday, and I typed 2.5 pages last night and saved it to a disk. Now the disk is all fucked up and wont load my paper. Its defective. So now, rather than moving my paper forward, Im sitting here retyping the shit I typed last night. Its only 2.5 pages, but it just kinda angers me that I have to retype the stuff I typed last night. I have decided NOT to save my paper to a disk anymore. Instead, Im gonna go with 1 of 2 options. Either A I type the whole paper tonight, or B I type as much as I can and then I will send it to my email, and save it that way.

FUCK

Beaver

senioirits is taking its toll on the beaver

2004-11-15T17:16:00.000-08:00

Thats right folks, Im officially sick of school. I know I have been saying that for the entire semester, but this time I MEAN it. Like, what I mean is that I could fail all of my classes right now and it wouldnt faze me in the least. I have a 10 page paper due on thursday, and I havent even started it. I need a week where I have nothing due, no papers, no tests, no homework NOTHING. I really wish there were a school out there where if the teacher gave any type of paper, test, grade etc. they would be fired on the spot. I personally never understood the concept of grades or that bullshit. Just because I get 5 F's on my report card (for example) does not mean Im stupid. Grades show no indication of how smart a person is or what they are capable of. All grades are are a letter. A letter can not even begin to show what I have accomplished up to this point. I think the reason I'm so burnt out on school was because I needed a semester off from college, just one semester. Thats all I was asking. But my parents are the type of people to push and push people to get an education. Personally, with all the useless stuff they teach you in college, I dont see how it prepares you for life. After all, can a college degree teach you how to stick up for yourself when you're out on the street and you get scammed? Can a college degree teach you the best way to make friends? No, I didnt think so. Only life out in the real world can teach you some things, things that a college textbook cannot even begin to explain. College may be useful, but as of yet I havent seen one person who's life "magically transformed for the better" once they left the college campus. For example, my sister graduated, and has no job, and some of my friends have completed college and either cant find a job in their fields or have had to struggle for the better part of a year before they found a job in their fields. So to restate my original question, is college the key to all of life's problems? I think not.

On a positive note, I hung out with my buddies saturday night. I got drunk and staggered back to my apartment. No hangover sunday morning. Thats was surprising.

damn this week sucks

2004-11-11T13:52:00.000-08:00

Well I finally got that paper done, and one of my tests out of the way. I got another test tomorrow. I also have a paper due next thursday (10 pages) and a test either next friday or the following Monday. Its kinda weird how all the teachers seem to know my schedule and plan it so that I always have a whole bunch of shit due the same day, or within 2-3 days of eachother. I think Im gonna go take a nap. I only got 1.5 hrs sleep last night

@ Quill You are skeet. Why? Because I said so dammit.

@ Spawn Come home soon. Stay home this time, and tell your dad to fuck off you dont wanna go outta town.

@ Hizzy Im not gonna run for what I said in the satire forum. Thats the point od satire. If anyone wants to hurt me (physically) for what I said, bring it on. I could handle any of them anyday.

@ Nix Smoke a bowl you stupid motherfucker.

@ Neo You suck at video games.

@ Question How is California?

@ Everyone else Fuck you all, there now you dont feel left out.

I addressed everyone in this blog. YAY me!

havent updated in awhile

2004-11-07T21:10:00.000-08:00

Well theres a reason why I havent updated my blog in awhile. Nothings been happening. Life is boring in cape. Mainly alot of school and homework, lots of tests, lots of papers. I have a paper due thursday. I have to read a 334 page book and write a paper over it. So far Im only on page 118.

Last night was saturday night. I went to D'Ladiums ( a bar down the street) and met up with some friends, Scott and Kyle. Theres a waitress there named Nikki and shes DAMN fine. Cute little blonde with a nice ass. I'd fuck her in a heartbeat. Gavin (another friend) was hitting on her, quite pathetically. I left the bar around 1:30, not quite intoxicated, not quite sober. I was feeling good.

Those are the highlights of my life. See why I havent updated in awhile?

Scarlet Whore, Bob Long's Ironmen, and thieves

2004-11-01T17:34:00.000-08:00

OK last night was the Scarlet Whore concert, and they fucking rock! KNUCKLE UP BITCH! Thanks to Hizy for saving me a ticket. T-bob and I had fun moshing and making fun of the other bands. We made fun of a band that was singing Stone Temple Pilots Dead and Bloated. My tard cd player in my car ate the Scarlet Whore cd, I cant get it out of my cd player. Fucking stupid cd players.

I found out saturday night that Bob Long's Ironmen, the team that pretty much had the series title wrapped up in the pro paintball division, fucked it up at the world cup. (For those of u who dont know, the world cup is like the world series, or the superbowl of paintball) They got their asses spanked and the series title was stolen from under their noses by the All Americans. This is the 2nd time in 2 years that the All Americans have snatched the title from BL Ironmen. Cmon BL Ironmen, I met you guys in Chicago, you're all a bunch of great players, why the fuck did u let the series title get snatched from under your noses? I expect you guys to take the series title next year.

Speaking of things getting taken, there was some theft at the paintball field yesterday. Yesterday some kid (I have never seen him before) asked me if he could borrow my gun. I told him no. He asked if I had another gun I could borrow. I did have another gun, but I didnt want some stranger using my gear, so I said no. Anyhow, one of my teammates, Sam, has 3 paintball guns, and he was walking around bragging about how much his gun was worth. He wanted to play with another gun, so he left his $15o0 gun in the staging area. We went out, played 4-5 games, and when we came back, some of our gear had been stolen. I lost 3 pods, and all the paint in the pods. Pods cost about $5 a piece, and $10 worth of paint is what I lost. The thief made off with $25 from me. Not too big a loss, since I can always go to the pb shop give em $15 and get my 3 pods back. The paint, well I was gonna shoot it off anyway. The person I feel sorry for is Sam, he got that gun stolen. I HIGHLY suspect that the theif is the kid who was asking me to loan him my gun. He was there when we went out to play and he was gone when we got back, but our gear was missing. I think he is the theif. If the kid has any brains at all, he will never show up at the field again, and he might sell the gun over ebay knowing that if he DOES get caught with the gun, he's in deep shit. Sam doesnt know the serial number of the paintball gun, so I think he's fucked. The bad news is, the kid made off with roughly $2000 worth of stuff, but I dont think theres anything we can do, since there were no witnesses. He waited till we were playing and nobody was around. I dont feel too bad about losing what I lost, I feel bad for my buddy Sam. But seriously, this sport is expensive enough without these no-good low-life thieving motherfuckers taking my shit. Anyhow, nothing I can do about it now. I just hope theres some way my friend can get his gun back.

I'm out

well heres some more news

2004-10-27T23:28:00.000-07:00

I apologize to Question for not being able to make the haunted house and see him off before he left. Question, I love you like a brother and I will miss you. Please dont hesitate to call me or contact me.

I fucking misss Bug Juice right now. I havent seen Spawn since Sept 11, when cockblocker Andy wanted to bring over an 18 women bachelorette party. Hopefully I will see u all this weekend.

@ Quill OOOOOOOOOOO beatcha I win, also I talked to Erich he said he dont mind if u come to the bachelor party
@ Spawn any idea how much an xbox costs?
@ all the guys I talked to Sal and he said for Erichs bachelor party $50 case of paint (normally $75/case) and free entry if I can get 20 people. Let me know if you are interested.
@ Hizzy can you give me Chuck and Epps's #'s?

Stupid Idiot Proffessor have to give a test the day Question leaves for CA so I cant hang out w/ him the night b4. What an asshole

plans change

2004-10-25T15:19:00.000-07:00

I know I said I was coming home for campos goodbye/nix's bday on tuesday, but unfortunately plans change. One of my professors said we have a test on wednesday morning. He told us on friday that it depends on how fast we get through the material whether we have the test on wednesday or friday. Well, we got through the material today, meaning we have a test on wednesday. Normally I would just say "fuck the test" and take the makeup, but this idiot professor always makes the makeups 10 times harder, since you had more time to study. His makeups are always essay and they ask you to list every trivial fact in your notes, basically. What his makeups are is 5 essay questions, all of which must be a page long, and all of them have to be answered within an hour. Compare that to a test where all the questions are multiple choice, where I have the answer sitting right on front of my face. I am doing poorly in this class right now, and I dont want to make my grade suffer any worse than it already does. I did want to say Goodbye to Campo, I wish you the best of luck in California, and happy birthday Nix. I apologize that I cannot make it, but this test is important, because it could help make or break my grade in this class.

woo-hoo

2004-10-22T10:49:00.000-07:00

Cardinals won. FUCK YEAH!! Houston Astros, please pick your asses up off the ground. We were gona hand them to you, but we decided to just drop them on the ground instead. We are now in the World Series, and when we beat the Red Sox, we will win the world series. TAUGH TAUGH Houston. I was at the bar last night and saw the game, they started playin "We are the Champions" by Queen when we won. When we win the World Series, lets continue our good luck by getting that fuckface George W Bush out of office.

too much schoolwork, alcohol, and a fucked up dream

2004-10-21T07:30:00.000-07:00

I have an essay due today, so when my last class was cancelled yesterday I used the time to write the essay. Then when I got home I started studying for a test that I have tomorrow. All this schoolwork turned my brian into mush, so when the boys called me and told me to come out drinking , I did. After 3-4 beers, a whiskey and coke, a gin and tonic and a shot of vodka, I was fucking gone. This morning I am surprisingly awake, and I dont have a hangover, which is cool. Maybe the alcohol led to my fucked up dream last night. Here it is.

Everyone in Bug Juice is driving to California to play at SC Village (a paintball field). We are in a huge bus, and Quazi is driving (I should have realized it was a dream at this point). Quazi drives in his typical gamma-damn fashion, and crashes the bus into the side of a cliff because we all told him he was a pussy and would never crash the bus into the side of a cliff. He's all like "I showed you all, GODDAMN". So we combine all the money we have, which is only about $3000. We are in Vegas, and for some reason we give all the money to Delarber and tell him "gamble it and lets see if we can get some money to fix the bus". So we all go to the auto repair shop and find out the cost to repair the bus is about $5000. We go back to the casino, and see Delarber with a whole bunch of transformers. He says he won $25,000 gambling, and spent every last dime on transformers at the toy store down the street. We proceed to repeatedly pummel him and wind up racking up an even bigger debt because we have to pay the fucker's medical bills. Fucking unreal.

This might piss some people off

2004-10-18T15:13:00.000-07:00

This post might piss some people off, but I dont care. After all, it is MY blog. I know you guys dont like to hear this (and I'm sure some of the girls dont wanna hear this neither) but lately, for some reason, I have been dreaming about seeing the girls in Bug Juice naked. Friday night was Nicole (sorry Corey) Saturday night it was Amanda (sorry Scott) Sunday was Hizzy (sorry Hizzy). Plus there have also been a few of the paintball girls (Becca and Rachel) the nights before. I wonder if the dreams mean something. They probably mean I need to get laid. I wonder why the girls are laying in jello and pudding then.

Fall break was cool (any event that gives me a few days off from school is a-ok in my book). I brought some books home intending to study but that never happened. I also bought 2 DVD's this weekend, the Exorcist and Poltergeist 2 and 3 (a double disc set). I thought one of these movies happened in St Louis, like somewhere off Christopher. Anyone have any ideas?

I was studying for a test I had today and one of my classmates walks up to me and tells me she is 2 months pregnant...........as if I care. Keep your legs together and that shit wont happen. Abstinence is a wonderful thing. It keeps me out of trouble. I still need to get laid though, just once in my life and I will never want it again. I just want it once.

To the group

2004-10-16T17:35:00.000-07:00

@ Bug Juice I know I have been saying some off the wall shit lately in my blogs. If it offends anyone I am sorry. I know I have been out of line and lately the slightest thing pisses me off. I seriously dont know what is wrong with me lately. I know part of it is the stress from school, but alot of it is because I keep stuff bottled up inside of me for so long. I had learned very early in life that "children should be seen and not heard", thats how I was raised, and I cant just "unlearn" something that was instilled in me 20 years ago. Im sorry, but the way I was raised, even though it wasnt right, is the way I was raised, its one of my flaws. From here on out, I am going to take Quills advice and tell people how I feel right then and there. Maybe the problem will be solved and maybe it wont, but at least people will know how I feel and they wont be saying "why didnt you tell me before?"

@ Quill I am sorry for what I said in my blog that was directed toward you. Please read above, it doesnt excuse what I did, but I hope it explains it.

Anyway, back to the real news, which there isnt much of. Got to play some paintball today, with my new Freestyle (Pimp still hasnt come in yet grrrrrrrr) pros showed up at the field, I shot them, they left very pissed off. Have fun wiping off those goggle hits Mr Pro Players. All in all, a successful day

fucked up family members

2004-10-14T17:52:00.000-07:00

My dad is the one of the most fucked up parents I know. Here's what happened. My sister needed some medicine which costs a mere $10. The bill was sent to my dad's house in Febuary. Its now October and he still hasnt paid it. He called my mom the other day and started bitching that she owed the doc $10. My mom told my dad to pay it, its only $10. Then he says he didnt have the money to pay it, but later on he brags that hes going to California this month and he will be gone for a month. I am disgusted by my dads actions. I think taking care of your kids should come before personal pleasure. He better not gimme bullshit excuse that he doesnt have $10. I am just so fucking pissed off right now at him. I know this may sound harsh, but I hate my dad. I seriously do. Dad, if you ever happen to read this blog and see this post, please know that this post is NOT out of anger. Everything I mean I say. You are one of the most fucked up people I know, and you are a horrible father....and I use the term father loosely. You are more like a sperm donor. You were never there for me or my sister. Please do not call me bitching at me anymore either like you usually do. He called me this morning demanding to know where my sister was. She wasnt home but when I told him this he wouldnt believe me. Dad, I want you to know that the only reason I ever put up with you anymore is because I am forced to. I dont like you, nor do I care for you. You can get drunk all you want. I am done making all the effort in our relationship. You dont care what happens to me. You never did. If you had any kind of heart, you would have paid Julies $10 medical bill. Fuck you dad, I hope you have a happy life with your friend Alcohol. But I want you to know that you are truly the most fucked up father I know, and you need some serious help you asshole. To all of my friends, if you ever wanted to know why I was embarrassed by my father, this is why.